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Backstabbing Sociopath Feels Seen by Representation in Loki


NEW YORK — Local backstabbing sociopath Jared Finch reportedly feels represented when he sees Marvel Cinematic Universe character Loki on the big screen and on Disney+.

“There’s nothing more important than seeing characters like yourself in media. That’s why it’s so nice to watch someone like Loki, who only cares about himself and will do whatever he can to raise his position, even if it’s at the cost of his friendships. When I see him, I’m like ‘that’s me,’” explained Finch. “There were a lot of characters who came close before Loki, sure. Hell, even Iron Man was huge for me, but it was never quite all the way there — I’m not rich or smart, I’m just an asshole. Loki has been huge for me. He gives me hope that maybe one day, I too can make it to the very top, if I just betray everyone who has ever helped me.”

According to those close to the situation, the MCU has changed the way that Finch interacts with others.

“Jared was always a backstabbing sociopath, but now he’s proud of it, ever since he started watching Marvel movies. And I don’t know which of those personality traits is more annoying, the sociopath or the MCU obsessive,” said Finch’s friend Chaim East. “I guess I’m glad he feels represented in movies and TV, though. I guess I hope the next big thing is seeing someone like himself in politics, where there still has never been a backstabbing sociopath ever before.”

At press time, Finch’s friendship with East dissolved after Finch called our website to try and get East removed from this article in an effort to be the sole person quoted in it.