Zach Raffio

Wrinkly Kong Wishes They Would Just Call Her “Grandma” or Something

DONKEY KONG ISLAND — Kong Family matriarch Wrinkly Kong expressed her desire this week for her family to retire her…

2 years ago

New ‘Spider-Man: No Way Home’ Trailer Reveals That It’s Approved for All Audiences by the Motion Picture Association of America, Inc.

LOS ANGELES — The latest trailer for Marvel’s upcoming Spider-Man: No Way Home has revealed a bombshell new development for…

2 years ago

What ‘The Eternals’ Post-Credits Scene Means for Me, Someone Who Really Has to Pee

By now, Marvel fans are accustomed to sticking around long after the credits roll, as any seasoned MCU-head knows the…

3 years ago

Untitled Goose Game Village Still at 0% Vaccinated

UNTITLED VILLAGE — As vaccination rates continue to climb nationwide due to expanded eligibility and availability, local vaccination numbers have…

3 years ago

We Convinced Martin Scorsese the Skrulls Were Metaphor for Italians and Now He’s Really Into Marvel

The great Martin Scorsese-Marvel feud has come to a close. After weeks of controversy amongst both the Marvel and film…

5 years ago

‘Breaking Bad’ Movie to Pick Up Right Where College Boyfriend’s Description of Show Left Off

CROTON-ON-HUDSON, N.Y. — Netflix just dropped the first full-length trailer for El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie, a sequel film…

5 years ago

Marvel Allowed Weekend and Holiday Visitation With Tom Holland

LOS ANGELES — In a controversial move, Sony Pictures and Marvel Studios announced today the termination of their contract allowing…

5 years ago

Farfetch’d Unsure How Much Longer He Can Convince People He’s Pokemon and Not Just a Duck Holding a Leek

TALL GRASS, RT 39 — Farfetch’d confided to reporters this week that he is unsure how much longer he can…

5 years ago

Nintendo Rebrands Original Game Boy as ‘Game Boy Thicc’

KYOTO, Japan  —  Nintendo president Tatsumi Kimishima announced today that Nintendo would be bringing back their beloved original Game Boy…

6 years ago