September 19, 2020 Quarantined Clock Town Resident Can’t Remember If It’s Day 1 or Day 3 Quarantined Clock Town Resident Can’t Remember If It’s Day 1 or Day 3 CLOCK TOWN, Termina — Clock Town resident and Stock Pot Inn owner Anju, 17, reported confusion today after struggling to remember what day it was…
June 29, 2020 Bullshit Photoshop Class Doesn’t Even Tell You How to Give Mario a Gun Bullshit Photoshop Class Doesn’t Even Tell You How to Give Mario a Gun AUSTIN, Texas — Local graphic design student Rachel Valdez expressed frustration this week after realizing her Intro to Photoshop class would not cover how to…
June 21, 2020 Gamer Dad Gives Up 20-25 Hours Into Forging Connection With Son Gamer Dad Gives Up 20-25 Hours Into Forging Connection With Son SALEM, N.H. — Local gamer father Jack Ruebens has announced he will stop attempting to forge a relationship with his son Chet, 12, after over…
March 18, 2020 Bernie Sanders’ Policies Would Take Away Americans’ Choice to Lower This Bridge for 200 Gems Bernie Sanders’ Policies Would Take Away Americans’ Choice to Lower This Bridge for 200 Gems In our political climate, there is no lack of problems to be solved. Climate change, student loan debt, trade disputes. Bernie Sanders offers big ideas…
March 9, 2020 Get It Together: Can You Remember What Case You Left Melee in Before Your Sleepover Devolves Into Chaos? Get It Together: Can You Remember What Case You Left Melee in Before Your Sleepover Devolves Into Chaos? It’s Friday, and you know what that means: the boys are coming over for a sleepover! Mom just tidied up the basement, you’ve already picked…
