Seth Finkelstein

Quarantined Clock Town Resident Can’t Remember If It’s Day 1 or Day 3

CLOCK TOWN, Termina —  Clock Town resident and Stock Pot Inn owner Anju, 17, reported confusion today after struggling to…

4 years ago

Bullshit Photoshop Class Doesn’t Even Tell You How to Give Mario Gun

AUSTIN, Texas —  Local graphic design student Rachel Valdez expressed frustration this week after realizing her Intro to Photoshop class…

4 years ago

Gamer Dad Gives Up 20-25 Hours Into Forging Connection With Son

SALEM, N.H. — Local gamer father Jack Ruebens has announced he will stop attempting to forge a relationship with his…

4 years ago

Bernie Sanders’ Policies Would Take Away Americans’ Choice to Lower This Bridge for 200 Gems

In our political climate, there is no lack of problems to be solved. Climate change, student loan debt, trade disputes.…

4 years ago

Get It Together: Can You Remember What Case You Left Melee in Before Your Sleepover Devolves Into Chaos?

It’s Friday, and you know what that means: the boys are coming over for a sleepover! Mom just tidied up…

4 years ago