September 15, 2021 Gamer Doubles Back While Exploring Dungeon to Make Sure He’s on the Wrong Path Gamer Doubles Back While Exploring Dungeon to Make Sure He’s on the Wrong Path BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — Local gamer Dominick Parra doubled back through a video game dungeon to make sure he wasn’t accidentally going down the correct path,…
July 4, 2021 Uncle Slapping Nephew on Back Accidentally Assassinates Him Uncle Slapping Nephew on Back Accidentally Assassinates Him PEEKSKILL, N.Y. — A family reunion turned tragic this afternoon after local truck driver and uncle Chris Meech accidently assassinated his nephew by slapping him…
December 4, 2020 Guy Who Brought Switch to Rooftop Party Disappointed Everybody Just Doing Coke Off It Guy Who Brought Switch to Rooftop Party Disappointed Everybody Just Doing Coke Off It BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Gamer Brian Kology was disappointed after his attempt at livening up a rooftop party by bringing his Nintendo Switch along resulted in…
September 25, 2020 Grandma Playing Super Mario 64 Can’t Get Past Part Where You Endlessly Pull Mario’s Cute Little Cheeks Grandma Playing Super Mario 64 Can’t Get Past Part Where You Endlessly Pull Mario’s Cute Little Cheeks PEEKSKILL, N.Y. — Local grandma Meredith Blum has been stuck for two days on the opening screen of Super Mario 64, reportedly unable to complete…
August 9, 2020 Report Reveals U.S. Military Spent 1.5 Trillion on Outdated and Dangerous ROFLcopters Report Reveals U.S. Military Spent 1.5 Trillion on Outdated and Dangerous ROFLcopters WASHINGTON — A shocking new investigation into U.S. military spending has revealed that the Pentagon is still pouring billions of dollars into the decades-old ROFLcopter…
July 6, 2020 Hasbro Announces Monopoly: Monopoly Edition Hasbro Announces Monopoly: Monopoly Edition PAWTUCKET, R.I. — Hasbro announced the next installment of the beloved board game Monopoly with the commemorative Monopoly: Monopoly Edition. Each tile on the board…
June 1, 2020 Anonymous Hacks Into Government Database After Forgetting Own Password Anonymous Hacks Into Government Database After Forgetting Own Password UNKNOWN — The hacker collective known as Anonymous has hacked into a government database in order to retrieve the passwords to their own social media…
April 1, 2020 Green Koopa Sneakily Paints Shell Red So He Doesn’t Have to March to His Death Green Koopa Sneakily Paints Shell Red So He Doesn’t Have to March to His Death MUSHROOM KINGDOM — In an attempt to save himself from certain death by walking directly off a platform, a local green Koopa named George was…
March 14, 2020 Woman Worried to Find Room Full of Ammo and Health Before Performance Review Woman Worried to Find Room Full of Ammo and Health Before Performance Review LANSING, Mich. — Due to her familiarity with the visual indicators that a major boss battle was about to unfold, junior accountant Megan Williams was…
