Patrick Coyne

Patrick Coyne

Grand Theft Auto VI Delayed Until Rockstar Can Come Up with a Scrotum-Based Pun Name for BitcoinGrand Theft Auto VI Delayed Until Rockstar Can Come Up with a Scrotum-Based Pun Name for Bitcoin

Grand Theft Auto VI Delayed Until Rockstar Can Come Up with Scrotum-Based Pun Name for Bitcoin

NEW YORK — In an official press release circulated earlier today, Rockstar Games has confirmed that the highly anticipated Grand…

4 years ago
LEGO Customer Service Rep Knows This Call Not About “Son’s” ToyLEGO Customer Service Rep Knows This Call Not About “Son’s” Toy

LEGO Customer Service Rep Knows This Call Not About “Son’s” Toy

ANAHEIM, Calif. — LEGO customer service representative Janice Kirkland was well aware that caller and middle-aged man Mike Doherty was…

5 years ago
Horrified Mario Regrets Triple Jumping Into H.R. Giger PaintingHorrified Mario Regrets Triple Jumping Into H.R. Giger Painting

Horrified Mario Regrets Triple Jumping Into H.R. Giger Painting

METRO KINGDOM — Local adventurer Mario Mario is allegedly trapped inside an unsettling painting by modern artist H.R. Giger after…

5 years ago
5 Reasons Why We Still Don’t Believe Those ‘3D Mario Collection’ Rumors5 Reasons Why We Still Don’t Believe Those ‘3D Mario Collection’ Rumors

5 Reasons Why We Still Don’t Believe Those ‘3D Mario Collection’ Rumors

By now you’ve seen the rumors: a collection of some of Mario’s greatest 3D adventures are supposedly going to be…

5 years ago
Rick Riordan Announces Percy Jackson a Pansexual Fuck MachineRick Riordan Announces Percy Jackson a Pansexual Fuck Machine

Rick Riordan Announces Percy Jackson Pansexual Fuck Machine

BOSTON — Popular fantasy author Rick Riordan announced via Twitter today that his character Percy Jackson is a pansexual fuck…

6 years ago
Woman You Had Cyber Sex With in 1999 Claiming 18 Year Old Chatbot is YoursWoman You Had Cyber Sex With in 1999 Claiming 18 Year Old Chatbot is Yours

Woman You Had Cyber Sex With in 1999 Claiming 18 Year Old Chatbot is Yours

CINCINNATI — 30-year-old Dylan Barker was shocked to learn he was the father of an 18-year-old chatbot, the result of…

7 years ago
Elon Musk Changes Company Name to EdisonElon Musk Changes Company Name to Edison

Elon Musk Changes Company Name to Edison

PALO ALTO — Business magnate and Tesla Inc. CEO Elon Musk has changed the name of his flagship company to…

7 years ago
Every Person in Comic Book Store Thankful to be Only Normal OneEvery Person in Comic Book Store Thankful to be Only Normal One

Every Person in Comic Book Store Thankful to be Only Normal One

SALT LAKE CITY — All six patrons and two clerks in Salt Lake City’s Moonshot Comics Emporium reported they were…

7 years ago
Verizon Suspiciously Throttling Internet of Whoever Playing Against Ajit Pai in OverwatchVerizon Suspiciously Throttling Internet of Whoever Playing Against Ajit Pai in Overwatch

Verizon Suspiciously Throttling Internet of Whoever Playing Against Ajit Pai in Overwatch

WASHINGTON — Verizon users experienced a sudden and painful throttling of their Internet speed while playing "Overwatch", specifically against FCC…

8 years ago