Patrick Coyne

Grand Theft Auto VI Delayed Until Rockstar Can Come Up with Scrotum-Based Pun Name for Bitcoin

NEW YORK — In an official press release circulated earlier today, Rockstar Games has confirmed that the highly anticipated Grand…

3 years ago

LEGO Customer Service Rep Knows This Call Not About “Son’s” Toy

ANAHEIM, Calif. — LEGO customer service representative Janice Kirkland was well aware that caller and middle-aged man Mike Doherty was…

4 years ago

Horrified Mario Regrets Triple Jumping Into H.R. Giger Painting

METRO KINGDOM — Local adventurer Mario Mario is allegedly trapped inside an unsettling painting by modern artist H.R. Giger after…

4 years ago

5 Reasons Why We Still Don’t Believe Those ‘3D Mario Collection’ Rumors

By now you’ve seen the rumors: a collection of some of Mario’s greatest 3D adventures are supposedly going to be…

4 years ago

Rick Riordan Announces Percy Jackson Pansexual Fuck Machine

BOSTON — Popular fantasy author Rick Riordan announced via Twitter today that his character Percy Jackson is a pansexual fuck…

6 years ago

Woman You Had Cyber Sex With in 1999 Claiming 18 Year Old Chatbot is Yours

CINCINNATI — 30-year-old Dylan Barker was shocked to learn he was the father of an 18-year-old chatbot, the result of…

6 years ago

Elon Musk Changes Company Name to Edison

PALO ALTO — Business magnate and Tesla Inc. CEO Elon Musk has changed the name of his flagship company to…

6 years ago

Every Person in Comic Book Store Thankful to be Only Normal One

SALT LAKE CITY — All six patrons and two clerks in Salt Lake City’s Moonshot Comics Emporium reported they were…

6 years ago

Verizon Suspiciously Throttling Internet of Whoever Playing Against Ajit Pai in Overwatch

WASHINGTON — Verizon users experienced a sudden and painful throttling of their Internet speed while playing "Overwatch", specifically against FCC…

7 years ago