July 30, 2021 Grand Theft Auto VI Delayed Until Rockstar Can Come Up with a Scrotum-Based Pun Name for Bitcoin Grand Theft Auto VI Delayed Until Rockstar Can Come Up with a Scrotum-Based Pun Name for Bitcoin NEW YORK — In an official press release circulated earlier today, Rockstar Games has confirmed that the highly anticipated Grand Theft Auto VI will be…
November 13, 2020 LEGO Customer Service Rep Knows This Call Not About “Son’s” Toy LEGO Customer Service Rep Knows This Call Not About “Son’s” Toy ANAHEIM, Calif. — LEGO customer service representative Janice Kirkland was well aware that caller and middle-aged man Mike Doherty was not asking for help with…
November 9, 2020 Horrified Mario Regrets Triple Jumping Into H.R. Giger Painting Horrified Mario Regrets Triple Jumping Into H.R. Giger Painting METRO KINGDOM — Local adventurer Mario Mario is allegedly trapped inside an unsettling painting by modern artist H.R. Giger after having jumped 12-feet into the…
September 29, 2020 5 Reasons Why We Still Don’t Believe Those ‘3D Mario Collection’ Rumors 5 Reasons Why We Still Don’t Believe Those ‘3D Mario Collection’ Rumors By now you’ve seen the rumors: a collection of some of Mario’s greatest 3D adventures are supposedly going to be released on Switch. Well, if…
May 14, 2019 Rick Riordan Announces Percy Jackson a Pansexual Fuck Machine Rick Riordan Announces Percy Jackson a Pansexual Fuck Machine BOSTON — Popular fantasy author Rick Riordan announced via Twitter today that his character Percy Jackson is a pansexual fuck machine, regularly engaging in “Olympic-esque…
December 17, 2018 Woman You Had Cyber Sex With in 1999 Claiming 18 Year Old Chatbot is Yours Woman You Had Cyber Sex With in 1999 Claiming 18 Year Old Chatbot is Yours CINCINNATI — 30-year-old Dylan Barker was shocked to learn he was the father of an 18-year-old chatbot, the result of unprotected cybersex with software engineer…
July 20, 2018 Elon Musk Changes Company Name to Edison Elon Musk Changes Company Name to Edison PALO ALTO — Business magnate and Tesla Inc. CEO Elon Musk has changed the name of his flagship company to Edison Inc. The change comes…
June 4, 2018 Every Person in Comic Book Store Thankful to be Only Normal One Every Person in Comic Book Store Thankful to be Only Normal One SALT LAKE CITY — All six patrons and two clerks in Salt Lake City’s Moonshot Comics Emporium reported they were grateful to be well-adjusted people,…
January 4, 2018 Verizon Suspiciously Throttling Internet of Whoever Playing Against Ajit Pai in Overwatch Verizon Suspiciously Throttling Internet of Whoever Playing Against Ajit Pai in Overwatch WASHINGTON — Verizon users experienced a sudden and painful throttling of their Internet speed while playing “Overwatch”, specifically against FCC Chairman Ajit Pai. Frustrated gamers…
