Owen Crowlie

If Sonic Water Levels Gave You Lifelong Anxiety, You May Be Entitled to Compensation

Thousands of gamers across the world are providing testimonials accusing Sonic The Hedgehog water levels of giving them lifelong anxiety…

5 years ago

Chain Smoking BioShock Devs Trying to Think of Weird Place City Could Be

SAN FRANCISCO — With only a week left before their deadline, a group of stressed, chain-smoking developers of the new…

5 years ago

XCOM Player Doesn’t Trust 90% OkCupid Match

TUCSON, Ariz. —  Local XCOM player Chris Sweeten was not totally prepared to trust a 90% match with a girl…

5 years ago

Marvel’s New Trans Superhero Will Be Completely Invisible at All Times

LOS ANGELES — In a first for the multi-million dollar media franchise, president of Marvel Studios Kevin Feige has confirmed…

5 years ago

Gamer Wishes There Was Some Way to Play FFVII Right Now

SANTA FE, N.M. — Blindsided by the delay of its upcoming remake, Square Enix fan Derick Stanley tells reporters he…

5 years ago

75% of Seniors Report Most Trusted Source of Information is Quotes Over Pictures of Sam Elliott

WASHINGTON — Scientifically confirming a correlation that has been speculated for decades, a recent study by the Pew Research Center…

5 years ago

Speedrunning Community Split Over Whether Glitchless ‘Fallout: New Vegas’ Run is Even Possible

SAN JOSE, Calif. — Members of the Fallout: New Vegas speedrunning community are locked in a contentious debate over the…

5 years ago

Anime Fan Transfers to New University After Accidentally Calling Professor ‘Nee-San’

SILVER CITY, N.M. — Former Columbia University law student Brendan Stack recently transferred to Western New Mexico University, fleeing the…

5 years ago

Man Names Baby After Typo Made in Group Chat

CLOVIS, N.M. — In recognition of a typo made by a friend in a group chat, Kenny Boskins has named…

5 years ago