M.J. Amory

Grandpa Still Haunted by Triple Kill He Got in Korea

NEW BRIDGE, N.J. — Veteran Alex Gresham made it obviously clear to his family that he was not over his…

7 years ago

Cruel and Unusual: Prison Console for Inmates Only Has Mad Catz Controller

ALLENTOWN, Penn. — Alleghany County Jail admitted today, in a shocking revelation, that the XBOX it allows prisoners to spend…

7 years ago

Study: 9 Out of 10 League of Legends Players Report Having Fucked Your Mom

PASADENA, Calif. — A comprehensive study conducted at Stanford University revealed that for every ten people who regularly play League…

7 years ago

GameStop Employee Whips Himself in Back Room After Failing to Sell Pre-Order

BINGHAMTON, N.Y. —  GameStop sales representative Donald Simpson quietly walked to the employee breakroom and proceeded to whip himself after…

7 years ago

Wounded Iraq War Veteran Cured After Crouching Behind Box For Five Seconds

WASHINGTON — The Department of Veteran Affairs revealed a catch-all cure for combat veterans that simply requires them to hide…

7 years ago

Marvel Reboots Spider-Man Movie During Your Popcorn and Slushie Run

NEW YORK — After leaving to buy snacks midway through a screening of Spider-Man: Homecoming, Liam Brewster was shocked to…

7 years ago

High School Girlfriend Announces No Plans to Port Relationship to College

LOS ANGELES — Graduating high school senior Cheryl Dowd announced she has no plans to port what has so far…

7 years ago

Lara Croft Undergoes Triangle Reduction Surgery

L OS ANGELES — Following decades of suffering, Lara Croft reportedly underwent a successful surgery today to reduce her incredibly large and geometrically…

7 years ago

Girl Who Claims to Like Video Games Grilled for 10 Hours at Senate Hearing

WASHINGTON D.C. — After reportedly stating at a casual gathering of friends that her favorite series was Mass Effect and that…

7 years ago