M.J. Amory

Gamer Admits He Gets Little More Excited When He Wins Online Mario Kart Race Against Players With Japanese Flag

BROOKLYN, N.Y. — After winning a 150 CC race of Mario Kart 8 online, Justin Cordroy felt his heart flutter a…

5 years ago

Julian Assange Enters U.S. and Immediately Gets 6-Star Wanted Level

WASHINGTON — Founder of WikiLeaks Julian Assange immediately received a 6-star ‘wanted’ level after crossing the United States border, drawing…

5 years ago

Tesla Update Requires Owner to Tweet Praise at Elon Musk Before Car Starts

PALO ALTO, Calif. — A surprise software update was sent out to Tesla cars late last night that locks the…

5 years ago

Twitch Releases Mad-Libs Style Stock Apology for Popular Streamers

SAN FRANCISCO —  With aspirations to enter the mainstream and gain more lucrative advertisers, Twitch sent out a “fill in…

5 years ago

Nintendo Dreading Inevitable Adoption of Shy Guys as Incel Mascot

BELLEVUE, Wash. — Crowded around a conference room table in the Nintendo of America headquarters, COO Doug Bowser and numerous…

5 years ago

Next Season of ‘The Bachelorette’ Has 3.2 Million Twitch Followers Compete for Pokimane’s Love

BISMARCK, N.D. — After the conclusion of the most recent The Bachelorette season, ABC announced that Twitch user Pokimane would…

5 years ago

Anti-Loot Box Senator Wakes Up to Crate With 1/5 Chance of Containing Horse Head

WASHINGTON — Freshman Republican Senator from Missouri, Josh Hawley, discovered a box in his bed that said it contained a…

5 years ago

Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge Features Incredibly Lifelike Rian Johnson for Fans to Yell At

ORLANDO, Fla. — Alongside its life-size Millennium Falcon and replica lightsabers for purchase, Disney revealed that its new Star Wars-themed…

5 years ago

Rogue Valve Developer Works on Game

BELLEVUE, Wash. — Nervously looking over his shoulder, Valve programmer David Nasbeth continued to rebel against company culture and defy…

5 years ago