March 16, 2020 We Broke Down the PlayStation 5 Prototype and Did Our Best to Put it Back Together Before Sony Came Back We Broke Down the PlayStation 5 Prototype and Did Our Best to Put it Back Together Before Sony Came Back There is no more feverish time in the world of video games than the dawn of a new generation of consoles. Details regarding the upcoming…
March 5, 2020 We Asked Kirby Why He Doesn’t Just Turn Into Endangered Species and Fuck Them We Asked Kirby Why He Doesn’t Just Turn Into Endangered Species and Fuck Them DREAM LAND — A recent sit down interview with Nintendo superstar Kirby revealed some insights into a decades long career as a top tier mascot…
March 1, 2020 New Indie Game Just Lets You Lay in a Damn Field for a While, Doesn’t That Sound Nice? New Indie Game Just Lets You Lay in a Damn Field for a While, Doesn’t That Sound Nice? SEATTLE — An upcoming minmalist independent game, fields, imagines an open world where you forgo any exploration whatsoever and just like, fucking chill out for…
February 19, 2020 Bloomberg Uses Money Cheat Code to Access Debate Stage Bloomberg Uses Money Cheat Code to Access Debate Stage LAS VEGAS — Alleged Democratic Presidential candidate Mike Bloomberg has reportedly exploited a cheat code which converts his collected funds into access to tonight’s Democratic…
February 6, 2020 Bruce Willis to Portray Asshole in Upcoming Documentary Bruce Willis to Portray Asshole in Upcoming Documentary LOS ANGELES — Famed thespian and total dickhead Bruce Willis will reportedly appear alongside several other interviewees in Good Fellas and Pretty Women, an upcoming…
February 5, 2020 R2-D2 Suddenly Remembers a Bunch of Cool Shit It Can Do R2-D2 Suddenly Remembers a Bunch of Cool Shit It Can Do LOTHAL — Just as he and his friends were almost certainly doomed while trying to escape a secret base of the Empire’s they had infiltrated,…
February 2, 2020 NFL Blitz Simulation Predicts Super Bowl 54 to be Most Violent of All Time NFL Blitz Simulation Predicts Super Bowl 54 to be Most Violent of All Time MIAMI GARDENS, Fla. — A group of analysts have simulated this year’s Super Bowl using NFL Blitz for the Nintendo 64, and they warn that…
January 24, 2020 Skynet Sends T-800 Back in Time to Clean Up ‘Terminator’ Timeline Skynet Sends T-800 Back in Time to Clean Up ‘Terminator’ Timeline SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. — Burgeoning telecommunications corporation Skynet has sent one of its T-800 model androids back in time to clean up the continuity of…
January 16, 2020 Punk Game Doesn’t Show Up On Time Punk Game Doesn’t Show Up On Time WARSAW — Taking a page from the musical genre that inspired its namesake, Cyberpunk 2077 has proven its punk credentials by announcing it would arrive…
