Mark Roebuck

Welp: We Were Gonna Do Something Called ‘GameShark Week,’ But We’re Out of Shit to Write About Already

Fuck, man. I pitched GameShark Week and figured it was a home run for sure. I lied and said I…

3 years ago

Zelda Timeline Explained to No One in Particular

FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. — The correct chronological order of the events depicted in The Legend of Zelda series of video games…

3 years ago

Sega Announces Next Sonic Game Will Be One of the Bad Ones

TOKYO — Sega announced today that they are working on a new game featuring their iconic mascot Sonic the Hedgehog,…

3 years ago

We Spent 15 Years Testing the Xbox 360 and PS3 and are Ready to Declare Winner

Any lifelong gamer knows that every so many years we are treated to the cutthroat environment that surrounds the launch…

3 years ago

Idris Elba Clarifies That He Just Tweeted That Pic Because He Likes Knuckles Lot

LOS ANGELES — Idris Elba clarified that the viral tweet many have taken as confirmation that he is playing Knuckles…

3 years ago

Shy Guy Discovers Philosophical Doppelganger Why Guy

MUSHROOM KINGDOM — During a routine shift guarding a stretch of Mushroom Kingdom, erstwhile henchman Shy Guy met his bizarro…

3 years ago

YouTube Film Critic Worried After Seeing Video of Robot Rolling Its Eyes Convincingly

SAN FRANCISCO — A tech demo showing a recently developed automaton with the ability to critique movies and roll their…

3 years ago

Christopher Nolan Reveals He Will Not Watch YouTube Videos Unless They’re on IMAX Screen

LOS ANGELES — Director and cinema traditionalist Christopher Nolan has revealed that he refuses to watch any YouTube links he…

3 years ago

Psst. You. Yeah, You. Wanna Buy PS5?

Hey, kid. Yeah, you. Hey, c’mere. I’m talkin’ to ya! Hey, you kids want to buy a PlayStation 5? Just…

3 years ago