Liam O'Malley

Opinion: I Feel Safer Knowing Kirby Owns Gun

This week, Nintendo released new footage of Kirby: The Forgotten Land featuring the titular pink puffball character displaying a new…

3 years ago

‘The Matrix Resurrections’ Introduces Third Pill That Turns on Big Head Mode

LOS ANGELES — Audiences are split after the release of The Matrix Resurrections, which furthers the Matrix franchise with the…

3 years ago

J. Jonah Jameson Blames Omicron Outbreak on Spider-Man’s Movie Showings

NEW YORK — The Daily Bugle Editor-in-Chief J. Jonah Jameson declared that Spider-Man, and his new film Spider-Man: No Way…

3 years ago

Lil Nas X Disappointed Met Gala Didn’t Do Enough Damage to Reveal His Final Phase Outfit

NEW YORK — Rapper Lil Nas X is reportedly disappointed that the Met Gala was unable to defeat his third…

3 years ago

Divorced, Disheveled Bill Gates Announces Everyone Is Getting Free Xbox

MEDINA, Wash. — Desperately attempting to sway public opinion back into his favor after his divorce, billionaire Bill Gates announced…

4 years ago

Man Who Spent 270 Hours Playing Xenoblade Series Relieved it Meant Something

WANTAGH, N.Y. — Local gamer Lawrence Olson has reportedly breathed a sigh of relief following the announcement that the next…

4 years ago

Fans Rage After Learning Post Malone’s Pokémon Concert Won’t Contain All His Songs

REDMOND, Wash. — The Pokémon Company has stirred controversy after revealing the upcoming concert celebrating the franchise’s 25th Anniversary will…

4 years ago

CDC Urges Americans to Acquire New Skills and Outfits for When Time Skip Ends

ATLANTA — In an attempt to help Americans better understand and adjust to the COVID-19 pandemic, the Center for Disease…

4 years ago

Trump Grants Jeffrey Epstein Posthumous Pardon

WASHINGTON — Making full use of his last full day in office, President Donald Trump announced a posthumous pardon of…

4 years ago