May 16, 2019 Smithsonian Acquires Trap Card Used by Aaron Burr to Defeat Hamilton in Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Smithsonian Acquires Trap Card Used by Aaron Burr to Defeat Hamilton in Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel WASHINGTON — The Smithsonian’s National Museum of American History announced this morning that they have acquired the original trap card used by Vice President Aaron…
May 8, 2019 Doctor Informs Knuckles That Those Are Actually Tumors on His Hands Doctor Informs Knuckles That Those Are Actually Tumors on His Hands STATION SQUARE — In a somber twist to an otherwise routine checkup, a doctor on call at Station Square Medical Center regretfully informed Knuckles the…
May 7, 2019 Digimon Having Rough Day Whispers to Himself He’s the Champion Digimon Having Rough Day Whispers to Himself He’s the Champion THE DIGITAL WORLD — Trying to calm himself down after a really stressful day, the Insectoid Digimon Tentomon reportedly took several deep breaths and began…
May 6, 2019 Date Looks Nothing Like His Mii Date Looks Nothing Like His Mii BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Exasperated by the fact that she’d been misled by yet another exaggerated profile picture, sources say that Tinder user Samantha Young was…
May 3, 2019 Sonic Team Insulted Movie Director Would Do Something So Pathetic as Respond to Fan Feedback Sonic Team Insulted Movie Director Would Do Something So Pathetic as Respond to Fan Feedback TOKYO — In a press conference this morning tinged with disgust and shock, Sega’s Sonic Team told reporters that they were totally insulted that the…
April 25, 2019 Review: ‘Avengers: Endgame’ is a Mesmerizing Experience That Nearly Made Me Forget My Recurring Fear of a Movie Theater Shooting Review: ‘Avengers: Endgame’ is a Mesmerizing Experience That Nearly Made Me Forget My Recurring Fear of a Movie Theater Shooting The current phase of Marvel Cinematic Universe is coming to an end. With the upcoming Avengers: Endgame concluding an epic story arc 11 years in…
March 22, 2019 ‘Alas, This Brings to Me No Comfort,’ Sighs Kirby After Winning 4,352nd Eating Contest in a Row ‘Alas, This Brings to Me No Comfort,’ Sighs Kirby After Winning 4,352nd Eating Contest in a Row DREAM LAND — After coming in first place in an unprecedented 4,352nd eating contest in a row, the hero of Dream Land, Kirby, took the…
February 13, 2019 Switch Owner With No Other Technology Desperately Hoping Nintendo Announces Netflix Support Switch Owner With No Other Technology Desperately Hoping Nintendo Announces Netflix Support KENOSHA, Wisc. — Nintendo Switch owner Kyle Goulet said today that he is desperately hoping Nintendo will announce Netflix support for the console during its…
June 9, 2018 Purist Surgeon Refuses to Operate Surgery Robot With Anything but GameCube Controller Purist Surgeon Refuses to Operate Surgery Robot With Anything but GameCube Controller BOSTON — Explaining that newer controllers don’t quite provide the same comfort or familiarity, surgeon Dr. Frank Powell said this morning that he refuses to…
