July 25, 2019 Doug Bowser Slowly Walks Off Camera to the Left During Nintendo Direct About Joy-Con Drift Doug Bowser Slowly Walks Off Camera to the Left During Nintendo Direct About Joy-Con Drift REDMOND, Wash. — With his body gradually approaching the edge of the YouTube video’s border, Nintendo of America president Doug Bowser could be seen this…
July 24, 2019 Gamer Emotionally Unprepared to Control Character After Harrowing Cutscene Gamer Emotionally Unprepared to Control Character After Harrowing Cutscene EAST LANSING, Mich. — Feeling a sense of panic as the in-game camera gradually swiveled back around behind his character, local gamer Patrick McDade was…
July 24, 2019 D&D Party Member Rolls Perception Check to See If DM Knows What The Fuck He’s Doing D&D Party Member Rolls Perception Check to See If DM Knows What The Fuck He’s Doing NEW YORK — On a hunch inspired by a very scatterbrained verbal description of the dungeon chamber the party had just entered, sources say that…
July 22, 2019 Paramount Announces Theatrical Re-Release of ‘Transformers: Dark of the Moon’ for as Long as It Takes to Claim Box Office Record from Avengers Paramount Announces Theatrical Re-Release of ‘Transformers: Dark of the Moon’ for as Long as It Takes to Claim Box Office Record from Avengers LOS ANGELES — Teasing a brand new extended edition of the popular film with previously unreleased footage, Paramount Pictures announced Monday morning that they would…
July 18, 2019 Here are the Best Amazon Deals Now That Prime Day Has Ended and It’s Okay to Enable the Abuse of Warehouse Workers Again Here are the Best Amazon Deals Now That Prime Day Has Ended and It’s Okay to Enable the Abuse of Warehouse Workers Again Well, frugal gamers, Amazon Prime Day 2019 has ended. Millions of shoppers got some great deals, but millions more chose to abstain in solidarity with…
July 10, 2019 Nintendo Unveils Switch Heavy for Gamers Who ‘Don’t Care About Playing on the Go’ Nintendo Unveils Switch Heavy for Gamers Who ‘Don’t Care About Playing on the Go’ KYOTO — A Nintendo video presentation Tuesday morning unveiled the Nintendo Switch Heavy, a new model of the console specifically for gamers who don’t care…
July 9, 2019 Zelda Dungeon Boss Can’t Believe He Accidentally Locked Himself Behind Giant Door Zelda Dungeon Boss Can’t Believe He Accidentally Locked Himself Behind Giant Door FIRE TEMPLE, Hyrule — Becoming flustered after quickly realizing his mistake, the subterranean lava dragon Volvagia was in total disbelief that he had managed to…
July 1, 2019 Newest ‘Game Grumps’ Episode Just 14 Minutes of Game’s Title Screen While Arin and Dan Discuss How Weird It Would Be If They Kissed Newest ‘Game Grumps’ Episode Just 14 Minutes of Game’s Title Screen While Arin and Dan Discuss How Weird It Would Be If They Kissed GLENDALE, Calif. — In a departure from their usual episode format, the newest upload to the popular YouTube channel Game Grumps is just an uninterrupted…
June 21, 2019 Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders Practice Fusion Dance For Hours in Attempt to Merge Into Ideal Candidate Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders Practice Fusion Dance For Hours in Attempt to Merge Into Ideal Candidate KAMI’S LOOKOUT — Sweating and breathing heavily from their strenuous efforts, sources confirmed Wednesday that Senator Elizabeth Warren and Senator Bernie Sanders were hard at…
