John Danek

Mega Man Unsure of Optimal Order to Ask Bosses for Raise

FALLS CHURCH, Va. — Humanoid robot Mega Man expressed dismay at having no idea what the ideal order is for…

3 years ago

YouTube Creators Share Tips for Perfectly Timing Orgasm with Taking Thumbnail Photo

LOS ANGELES — Many YouTubers are letting fans in on the secrets of how to time their orgasms while taking…

4 years ago

World’s Most Boring Video Game Player Raises Defense Stat

PEORIA, Ill. — Friends of Shaun Conner were disappointed but unsurprised as he continually raised the defense stat of his…

4 years ago

Valorant Player Disappointment to All His Friends in Real Life Too

GREENSBORO, N.C. — Local gamer Harry Olsen continues to frustrate his friends with a total lack of awareness and poor…

4 years ago

New Podcast ‘My Least Favorite Murder’ Discusses Death of Host’s Wife

SIOUX FALLS, S.D. — Capitalizing on the true crime entertainment craze, Clifford Waters has turned his grief over his wife’s…

5 years ago

NFL Dating Simulator Wins Survival Horror Game of the Year

NEW YORK — NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell held a press conference at NFL Headquarters to announce that their terrifying new…

5 years ago

Friends Concerned After White Guy Expresses No Interest in Visiting Japan

COLUMBUS, Ohio — Pasty white guy Michael Stephenson alarmed friends and loved ones by vocalizing that he had absolutely no…

5 years ago

Department of Defense Confirms North Korea Building Their Own Kitten Cannon

SEOUL — U.S. and South Korean officials revealed that North Korea is building their own version of the “kitten cannon,”…

5 years ago

Lil Nas X’s ‘Old Town Road’ Released in Japan as ‘Lil Castlevania Nas X: Old Town Rondo of Road’

TOKYO — Konami announced plans to create a music record label to release smash hit song "Old Town Road" by…

5 years ago