August 24, 2020 Report: Valve Employees Working Grueling 100-Hour Work Weeks On Nothing Report: Valve Employees Working Grueling 100-Hour Work Weeks On Nothing BELLEVUE, Wash. — According to anonymous sources within the company, employees at Valve Software have been working grueling 100-hour work weeks on absolutely nothing at…
July 30, 2020 42-Year-Old Restaurant Manager Beginning to Realize This Is, In Fact, His Final Form 42-Year-Old Restaurant Manager Beginning to Realize This Is, In Fact, His Final Form BREA, Calif. — After a tense standoff with some customers around closing time, it became clear to local Olive Garden manager Darrell Klein that despite…
July 11, 2020 Dungeon Master Increases Puzzle’s Difficulty by Describing It Shittily Dungeon Master Increases Puzzle’s Difficulty by Describing It Shittily SILVERTON, Ore. — In a groundbreaking move to combat his players’ adeptness at solving riddles and subverting challenges, local dungeon master Dan Richards supercharged the…
July 6, 2020 Game Critic Stands Perfectly Still to Avoid Naughty Dog PR Representative Attempting to Echolocate Them Game Critic Stands Perfectly Still to Avoid Naughty Dog PR Representative Attempting to Echolocate Them NEW YORK — While on a trip to the grocery store to restock for quarantine, games journalist Benny Kleiner had to breathlessly duck behind a…
May 28, 2020 Ash Ketchum’s Mom Doesn’t Have the Heart to Tell Him His Original Pikachu Died 6 Years Ago Ash Ketchum’s Mom Doesn’t Have the Heart to Tell Him His Original Pikachu Died 6 Years Ago KANTO — Local mother Delia Ketchum reportedly doesn’t have the heart to tell her son Ash that his beloved Pikachu is the sixth in a…
March 23, 2020 Amidst Pandemic, Naughty Dog Allows Employees to Sleep at Home Amidst Pandemic, Naughty Dog Allows Employees to Sleep at Home SANTA MONICA, Calif. — With the continuing spread of the COVID-19 pandemic and nonessential businesses being asked to send workers home and close their doors,…
March 21, 2020 Steam Friend You Don’t Remember Adding Is Playing Morrowind Again Steam Friend You Don’t Remember Adding Is Playing Morrowind Again SAN DIEGO — While waiting for members of his Monster Hunter group to gather up early yesterday evening, local gamer Vincent McKay reported yet another…
March 15, 2020 All Healing Items Spent During Boss Fight Player Is Required to Lose All Healing Items Spent During Boss Fight Player Is Required to Lose LONDON — Police were called to the scene of a disturbance in the early hours of this morning, as Chris Macklyn was reportedly making a…
March 12, 2020 Novelty Zelda Wallet Only Holds a Maximum of $99 Novelty Zelda Wallet Only Holds a Maximum of $99 NEW YORK — Upon returning from a shopping trip to the Rockefeller Center Nintendo shop, gaming enthusiast Amy Weiss was dismayed to discover that her…
