September 25, 2018 Tragic: Guy on Message Board Could Have Saved Telltale Tragic: Guy on Message Board Could Have Saved Telltale Wow, a heartbreaking story just got a whole lot more heartbreaking. As you may know, only days ago, Telltale Games announced to unsuspecting employees that…
September 22, 2018 Nerd Buys Tiny Fedora to Wear on Penis In Case Anyone Sees It Nerd Buys Tiny Fedora to Wear on Penis In Case Anyone Sees It AUGUSTA, Maine — Local nerd Martin Beauchamp announced to fellow members of the online involuntarily celibate, also known as “incel,” community that he had purchased…
September 4, 2018 New Tom Clancy Novel About a Friggin Gun That Became President New Tom Clancy Novel About a Friggin Gun That Became President BALTIMORE — Sources report that the newest novel in the Jack Ryan series originally created by Tom Clancy before his death is about a gun…
August 18, 2018 New Study Into Hogwarts House-Sorting Practices Reveals Stark Racial Bias New Study Into Hogwarts House-Sorting Practices Reveals Stark Racial Bias SCOTLAND — A new study into the decision-making involved in sorting Hogwarts students into housing, which is done by a committee of one sentient hat,…
August 3, 2018 The Escapist Publishes Completely Unbiased, Nonpolitical Review of Wolfenstein The Escapist Publishes Completely Unbiased, Nonpolitical Review of Wolfenstein After unsuccessfully wading into political waters the past couple of years, the popular video game website The Escapist is relaunching with a new mission and…
July 19, 2018 Grandpa’s Kill/Death Ratio Shifts to 0:1 Grandpa’s Kill/Death Ratio Shifts to 0:1 SEATTLE — Local grandfather Herbert Schumeister’s 93-year-long kill/death ratio shifted from 0:0 to 0:1 today, following his death from natural causes. “Grandpa Herb was such…
July 12, 2018 ‘Block Dude’ Sweeps Calculator Gaming Awards Sixteenth Year Straight ‘Block Dude’ Sweeps Calculator Gaming Awards Sixteenth Year Straight MADISON, Wisc. — Revolutionary video game Block Dude has once again won awards in every eligible category at the annual Calculator Gaming Awards, marking the…
July 6, 2018 Spider-Man’s Record Breaking 300 Hour Gameplay Mostly Just Waiting on F Train Spider-Man’s Record Breaking 300 Hour Gameplay Mostly Just Waiting on F Train Marvel’s new Spider-Man game for the PlayStation 4, to be released this Fall, is a beautiful love letter to the island of Manhattan. In the…
July 2, 2018 Democrats Fail to Block Donald Trump’s Nomination to the Supreme Court Democrats Fail to Block Donald Trump’s Nomination to the Supreme Court WASHINGTON — Democrats in the Senate were unable to block President Trump’s replacement for departing Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy, resulting in the confirmation of…
