March 30, 2020 Christopher Walken Swears His Fever Is Just for More Cowbell Christopher Walken Swears His Fever Is Just for More Cowbell LOS ANGELES — Actor Christopher Walken announced today that his 102 degree fever was simply for more cowbell and had nothing to do with the…
March 29, 2020 God Admits It’s Kinda Gay to Create Dudes God Admits It’s Kinda Gay to Create Dudes HEAVEN — The almighty being who created the heavens and earth, God, admitted today that it’s actually kinda gay to create guys if you think…
March 28, 2020 Gamer Sets Clock Ahead 3 Months to Skip Past Pandemic Gamer Sets Clock Ahead 3 Months to Skip Past Pandemic ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local gamer Freddy Strickland has changed all the clocks in his apartment to early July in order to skip past the COVID-19…
March 27, 2020 Boyfriend Can’t Find the Crit Boyfriend Can’t Find the Crit BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — Local woman Anita Harrison expressed disappointment during a game of Dungeons and Dragons when her boyfriend Steven Baker was once again unable…
March 26, 2020 DNC Escort Mission Incredibly Frustrating DNC Escort Mission Incredibly Frustrating WASHINGTON — Members of the Democratic National Committee expressed frustration about the annoying escort mission to get former vice president Joe Biden into the White…
March 25, 2020 Donald Trump Unleashes Giant Squids on Major U.S. Cities to Unite Americans Against Coronavirus Donald Trump Unleashes Giant Squids on Major U.S. Cities to Unite Americans Against Coronavirus WASHINGTON — President Trump has announced plans to unleash a giant squid on each of the major cities in the United States in an effort…
March 24, 2020 Terrified ‘Hearthstone’ Escapee Not Convinced ‘Slay the Spire’ Won’t Eventually Charge Him $40 for New Cards Terrified ‘Hearthstone’ Escapee Not Convinced ‘Slay the Spire’ Won’t Eventually Charge Him $40 for New Cards ARLINGTON, Texas — Local Hearthstone refugee and Slay the Spire player Jon Burke reportedly can’t shake the feeling that the roguelite card game won’t eventually…
March 21, 2020 Strategy Guide: Press the ‘Start’ Button to Start the Game Strategy Guide: Press the ‘Start’ Button to Start the Game Gatekeeping in the world of video games is an epidemic. It is our duty as those who are “in the know” to help guide those…
March 20, 2020 Something Fishy About Private ‘Animal Crossing’ Island That Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, and Prince Andrew Keep Visiting Something Fishy About Private ‘Animal Crossing’ Island That Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, and Prince Andrew Keep Visiting NEW HORIZONS — Those playing the newly released Animal Crossing: New Horizons for the Nintendo Switch noted that there was something odd going on with…
