April 12, 2021 Andrew Yang Proposes to Sell New York City as NFT to Raise Money for Police Department Andrew Yang Proposes to Sell New York City as NFT to Raise Money for Police Department NEW YORK — New York City mayoral candidate Andrew Yang announced today that, if elected, he will list the city to be sold as an…
March 31, 2021 Report: Guy You’ve Never Heard of Is Creep Report: Guy You’ve Never Heard of Is Creep NEW YORK — Following accusations from several women, some supposedly famous guy you’re just learning about for the first time is a creep, a breaking…
March 28, 2021 Elon Musk Admits He Wants to Travel to Mars Because No One Hates Him There Yet Elon Musk Admits He Wants to Travel to Mars Because No One Hates Him There Yet AUSTIN, Texas — Wiping tears from his eyes at a recent press conference, SpaceX CEO Elon Musk revealed that the reason he’s so keen on…
March 26, 2021 Man’s Cell Phone Disagrees That Alexa Is Listening to Him Man’s Cell Phone Disagrees That Alexa Is Listening to Him VALLEY STREAM, N.Y. — A local man’s iPhone disagrees with its owner that his Amazon Alexa is listening to him in his home, sending information…
March 25, 2021 Even Conspiracy Theorist Kinda Surprised How Right He’s Been Lately Even Conspiracy Theorist Kinda Surprised How Right He’s Been Lately LAS VEGAS — Conspiracy theorist Andrew Hawkins has recently been taken aback by how much he has gotten right in the last few years, according…
March 20, 2021 Gamer Looking to Save the World Regrettably Recruited by United States Military Gamer Looking to Save the World Regrettably Recruited by United States Military MODESTO, Calif. — Local gamer Martin Long, 22, has reportedly joined the United States military after being inspired to save the world through his video…
March 6, 2021 Former Cards Against Humanity Writer Keeps Pitching ‘Cum Goblin’ to Wizards of the Coast Former Cards Against Humanity Writer Keeps Pitching ‘Cum Goblin’ to Wizards of the Coast RENTON, Wash. — Former Cards Against Humanity writer Marc Weaver has reportedly frustrated his new coworkers at Magic: the Gathering after repeatedly pitching his idea…
February 23, 2021 NASA Sends Probe to Jupiter to Get More Stupider NASA Sends Probe to Jupiter to Get More Stupider WASHINGTON — Following the successful landing of the rover Perseverance onto the surface of Mars, NASA has launched a probe called Insistence that will land…
February 22, 2021 Fast & Furious Franchise Announces Partnership With Olive Garden Fast & Furious Franchise Announces Partnership With Olive Garden LOS ANGELES — Restaurant chain Olive Garden has teamed up with the Fast & Furious franchise to promote the importance of “family” as a concept.…
