Jeremy Kaplowitz

We Have Decided, As an Editorial Team, to Not Look Up What the ‘Boyfriend Dungeon’ Story Is

The video game world is lighting up with hot takes about a new video game titled Boyfriend Dungeon, the importance…

3 years ago

Client Doesn’t Get Why 5-Month Pregnant Artist Can’t Just Release Baby Already

HENDERSON, Nev. — Local man Albert Nixon is reportedly harassing artist and surrogate mother  Annabelle Dotson about when her baby…

3 years ago

Nintendo Announces Metroid Prime 5

KYOTO, Japan — Video game company Nintendo announced today it is just going to skip the highly anticipated Metroid Prime…

3 years ago

Hideaki Anno Releases Final Batch of Evangelion Meme Templates

TOKYO — Japanese animator and filmmaker Hideaki Anno has released the final group of Neon Genesis Evangelion meme templates for…

3 years ago

Report: We Also Don’t Make Any Money If You Don’t Click the Fucking Link But We Especially Don’t Make Any Money If You Post the Onion’s Version of This Headline In Our Comments

NEW YORK — Informing readers that it was one of the sole means for a digital publication to generate revenue,…

3 years ago

Andrew Cuomo Accepts Leadership Position at Activision Blizzard

NEW YORK — Following his resignation as Governor of New York, Andrew Cuomo announced today that he has accepted a…

3 years ago

Nation Comes Together in Moment of Grand Unity Over Feeling Weird and Sad About Chris Chan

UNITED STATES — Members of all political parties and allegiances came together in a moment of unity following the arrest…

3 years ago

Back 4 Blood Zombie Claims He Was Just Saying “Dinger”

POST-APOCALYPTIC DENVER — A Back 4 Blood zombie accused of saying a horrific racial slur this week now claims that…

3 years ago

Modern-Day Robin Hood Uploads Pokémon Leaf Green to Torrent Website

LONDON — A mysterious heroic figure not unlike Robin Hood, the legendary outlaw from English folklore, has uploaded a torrent…

3 years ago