Jeremy Kaplowitz

Uatu the Watcher Groans at Pop-Up Asking If He’s Still Watching Universe in Which Iron Man Gets Really Into Ska Music

THE MULTIVERSE — Uatu the Watcher, the immortal omniscient being who observes the Multiverse from afar, reportedly groaned after receiving…

3 years ago

Kotaku Advertisers Devastated to Learn That All Those Clicks They Got Were Actually From Angry People

NEW YORK — Advertisers displaying banners on the video game website Kotaku were reportedly devastated to learn that all the…

3 years ago

Splitgate Draws Influence From Halo and Portal for Gameplay, Pablo Picasso’s Nightmares for Menu System

STANFORD, Calif. — 1047 Games developers explained today that their video game Splitgate draws influence from the Bungie Halo games…

3 years ago

Marvel Universe Discovers Lead in Water Supply That Makes Population Overly Quippy

EARTH 199999 — Researchers living in the Marvel Cinematic Universe have discovered a mixture of chemicals in their water supply…

3 years ago

Report: The Teletubbies Have Gone Extinct Due to Intense Global Warming Now That the Sun Is an Adult Man

IDYLLIC MEADOW — A harrowing report from the home of the Teletubbies has confirmed that the species has died out…

3 years ago

Gamer Absolutely Cannot Wait to Play 5 Hours of Elden Ring, Take Week Off, and Give Up Forever

NEW YORK — Local gamer Thomas Roth is buzzing with excitement for FromSoftware’s Elden Ring to finally come out so…

3 years ago

“No One’s Ever Really Gone,” Cackles Emperor Palpatine Over New Spider-Man Trailer

LOS ANGELES — A new trailer for Spider-Man: No Way Home was released today and features Emperor Palpatine’s voice saying…

3 years ago

Confederate Flag Spotted in GeoGuesser Game Doesn’t Narrow Down Anything

BINGHAMTON, N.Y. — Local gamer Brandon Farley was unable to narrow his location down further than the United States in…

3 years ago

‘Among Us’ Devs Hit Back With Third Person Shooter Battle Royale Mode

REDMOND, Wash. — Retaliating against Epic Games for its new Fortnite Impostor Mode, Innersloth hurriedly announced a new third person…

3 years ago