Jeremy Kaplowitz

Sakurai Secures Sora for Smash in Exchange for First Born Son to Disney

KYOTO, Japan — Super Smash Bros. creator Masahiro Sakurai confirmed today in a special Direct video that Kingdom Hearts protagonist…

3 years ago

Facebook Down as Mark Zuckerberg Leaves for New Job

MENLO PARK, Calif. — Facebook and Instagram servers were both down today following rumors that CEO Mark Zuckerberg is vacating…

3 years ago

Man Camping Alone Deep in the Woods Hears Discord Notification Bleep

DENALI BOROUGH, Alaska — Local man Tauren Schneider reportedly heard a discord notification sound while camping alone deep in the…

3 years ago

BREAKING: Comedian Andy Kaufman Has Died From COVID-19 at Age 72

LOS ANGELES — Beloved comedian, actor, and wrestler Andy Kaufman passed away in his home today at 72 after contracting…

3 years ago

There It Is: Steve From Blue’s Clues Releases Second Video Asking for Just Few Thousand Dollars to Get His New Business Off the Ground

NEW YORK — After warming the hearts of America, former Blue’s Clues host Steve Burns released a second video asking…

3 years ago

Sony Promises Spider-Man 2 Will Really Make You Feel Like Paying $500 for PS5

NEW YORK — Representatives from Sony promised today in their PlayStation Showcase that Spider-Man 2 really makes players feel like…

3 years ago

Taliban Leaders Demand United States “Let People Enjoy Things”

KABUL, Afghanistan — Taliban officials controlling Afghanistan have sent out a demand to the United States that the nation should…

3 years ago

Michael Caine Sick of Explaining Shit to Christopher Nolan

LOS ANGELES — Actor Michael Caine is reportedly sick of director Christopher Nolan constantly calling him up to ask him…

3 years ago

“Ugh, Got Queued Up With Another Round of Bots,” Says Squad Crushing You in FPS

BUFFALO, N.Y. — A local Splitgate squad was reportedly disappointed to be playing against a group of bots while crushing…

3 years ago