Jeremy Kaplowitz

Hogwarts Student Gets Automatic Straight A’s After Roommate Exploded by Ghost

HIGHLANDS, Scotland — Second year Hogwarts student Melvin Puddlefoot reportedly received all As on his report card after his roommate…

3 years ago

Coen Brothers Admit They’re Only Directing Garfield Movie Because They Thought Bill Murray Was In It

LOS ANGELES — Joel and Ethan Coen, attached to direct the new animated Garfield movie, admitted today that they only…

3 years ago

Chris Pratt to Voice That He Still Knows About Compromising Information to Powerful Hollywood Executive Who Keeps Casting Him in Things

LOS ANGELES — Hollywood superstar Chris Pratt has been cast as the voice of concerns about certain compromising information he…

3 years ago

Stock Photo Actor Has No Idea He’s First Google Result for “Pedophile”

MESA, Ariz. — Former stock photo actor Colin Hibbert, 34, reportedly has no idea that he is the first Google…

3 years ago

George R. R. Martin’s Mother Won’t Let Him Leave the Dinner Table Until He Finishes ‘The Winds of Winter’

SANTA FE, N.M. — While visiting family, fantasy writer George R. R. Martin was told that he would not be…

3 years ago

Man Suspicious After Noticing Girlfriend’s Netflix Includes Category ‘Creepy Horror Films for Women Who Just Cheated on Their Boyfriends Named Matt’

LINCOLN, Neb. — Local man Matt Brady has become suspicious of his girlfriend after discovering a category on her Netflix…

3 years ago

Surgeon Performs 6-Hour Operation to Separate Art From Artist

LOS ANGELES — Local controversial filmmaker Jarred Cervantes underwent a new and dangerous 6-hour surgery to be separated from his…

3 years ago

Netflix Orders 12-Episode Docuseries About Struggling Trans Person It Just Fired

LOS ANGELES — Streaming giant Netflix has announced they are filming a 12-episode documentary series called Dismissed following the struggles…

3 years ago

Liberal Hackers Break Into Secure Federal Data Center and Erase Everyone’s Student Loan Debt by 1%

WASHINGTON — A group of moderate liberal hackers have broken into a federal data center with the altruistic goal of…

3 years ago