Jeremy Kaplowitz

‘Game of Thrones’ Prepares for Final Climactic Clash Between Those Who Think It’s Still Good and Those Who Think It Sucks Dick Now

NEW YORK — As HBO’s hit show Game of Thrones comes to a conclusion, fans are preparing for the grand…

6 years ago

Adult Man Still Furious About Decade-Old Movie For Teen Girls

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — 37-year-old man Kris Lusk is still angry about the Twilight series of films, which ended seven years…

6 years ago

Inept Hacker Leaks Game of Thrones Season 3 Episode 4

GHENT, Belgium — Notably awful hacker Nicolas Peeters successfully leaked an episode of the hit HBO show Game of Thrones…

6 years ago

Pornhub Introduces Light Mode for Daytime Browsing

MONTREAL — Popular pornagraphic video sharing website Pornhub announced today the release of a new “Light Mode” which would feature…

6 years ago

This Is the Only Way I Know How to Tell My Children So That They Will Understand

Written by Jeremy Kaplowitz. Edited by Giovanni Colantonio.

6 years ago

AMC Hikes Price of ‘Avengers: Endgame’ Piss Buckets to $30

KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Marvel fans are outraged after AMC raised the price of their limited edition Avengers: Endgame Piss…

6 years ago

Local Hole Fan Doesn’t Mind That It’s Black But Doesn’t Get Why They Have to Force Diversity On Us

ORLANDO, Fla. — Self-described “hole fan” Chris Richardson is reportedly dismayed that the newly discovered “large space hole” by scientists…

6 years ago

Power Surges Through Reddit Moderator’s Body as He Bans User During Social Studies

KANSAS, Okla. — Local eighth grader and moderator for subreddit r/gaming Kris Stevens reportedly felt power coursing through his veins…

6 years ago

Guy Who Hasn’t Played RPG in Week Might as Well Just Start Over

SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Local gamer Martin Avery has not played Kingdom Hearts 3 for an entire week, effectively rendering all…

6 years ago