Jeremy Kaplowitz

Democrats Introduce Bill to Condemn Coronavirus

WASHINGTON — Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Senator Chuck Schumer have introduced a bill that, if passed, would…

4 years ago

We’re Done With Waluigi. From Now On, We’re All In on Dry Bones

We here at Hard Drive, but also we as a culture, have spent a lot of time focusing on Nintendo’s…

4 years ago

Writer Struck With Inspiration Furiously Writes Down ‘Superman But Evil’

ATLANTA — Writer James Mann was reportedly scribbling down ideas in a moleskine notebook after being suddenly struck with the…

4 years ago

Roommate Ejected From Apartment After Lying About Finishing ‘Dishes’ Task

NEW YORK — Local roommate Phil Darrow was ejected from his apartment after his friends discovered that he had lied…

4 years ago

‘Spider-Man’ Will Feature Complex Cat Companion System That Ranges From ‘Enemies’ to ‘Doesn’t Hate You’

BURBANK, Calif. — Insomniac has announced that the Miles Morales Spider-Man game for the PlayStation 5 will feature an intricate…

4 years ago

Origin of Fake News Traced Back to Friend Saying He Played ‘Pokemon Purple’ in 2002

WASHINGTON — Researchers have discovered that the origin of the "fake news" phenomenon stretches all the way back to 2002,…

4 years ago

Little Baby Boy Tom Holland Stars in Big Grown Up Movie With Adults

LOS ANGELES — Young baby child and Spider-Man actor Tom Holland stars in the new film The Devil All the…

4 years ago

Charles Martinet Steps Down as Voice of Mario After Being Unable to Finish Eating Gigantic Bowl of Spaghetti

SAN JOSE, Calif. — Famous Nintendo voice actor Charles Martinet has stepped down as the voice of Mario after failing…

4 years ago

Historically Shit-Sucking Gamer Thinks He’s Battle Royale God After Unknowingly Beating First Round of Bots

GREENSBORO, N.C. — Local gamer Harry Olsen, who has sucked shit at every single video game he has ever played,…

4 years ago