Jeremy Kaplowitz

Mass Shootings Drop to 0 After Congress Increases Minimum Death Requirement to 1,000

WASHINGTON — Democrats and Republicans in the Senate voted unanimously today on a bill that raises the minimum number of…

4 years ago

Earth 616 Residents Wary of New Vaccine Developed by Team of Brilliant Scientists

NEW YORK — Residents of Earth 616’s New York City are reportedly wary of a new COVID-19 vaccine that was…

4 years ago

Incredible: How This Millennial Was Able to Buy Their Own Farm at 21 All On Their Own

While most millennials are worrying about paying off their college debt and working multiple jobs to make ends meet, one…

4 years ago

Vaccinated Gamer Unlocks ‘Social Gathering’ Skill Tree

NEW YORK — Local gamer Caroline Silva unlocked the ‘social gathering’ skill tree on her abilities menu exactly two weeks…

4 years ago

Couple Planning Wedding Forced to Make Tier List of Friends

RALEIGH, N.C. — Local engaged couple Elaiza Tan and Kate Figueroa were frustrated having to sort all of their friends…

4 years ago

Seth Rogen Battles Quarantine Loneliness By Making Giant Ceramic Jonah Hill

BURBANK, Calif. — Comedic actor Seth Rogen posted a photo on Instagram today revealing that he had created a 20…

4 years ago

Wealthy Cannibal Conflicted on “Eat the Rich”

TUCSON, Ariz. — Local cannibal Stewart Loarfy is reportedly conflicted about the rise of “eat the rich” sentiments on account…

4 years ago

Pope Heartbroken to Discover Church Is Evil in Most JRPGs

VATICAN CITY — Following an announcement from Vatican officials that Pope Francis has started playing video games to pass time…

4 years ago

U.S. Government Reaches Agreement With Wario64 to Announce COVID Vaccine Availability

WASHINGTON — The United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has reached an agreement with popular video game deals…

4 years ago