June 24, 2020 Shigeru Miyamoto Delays Orgasm for Quality Purposes Shigeru Miyamoto Delays Orgasm for Quality Purposes KYOTO, Japan — Shigeru Miyamoto announced today that in order to make sure he lives up to his highest standards, he will be delaying the…
March 17, 2020 CDC Warns Americans Against Touching Mario’s Face In ‘Super Mario 64’ CDC Warns Americans Against Touching Mario’s Face In ‘Super Mario 64’ ATLANTA — The Center for Disease Control and Prevention held a press conference today explaining in detail the health risks of touching Mario’s face in…
March 16, 2020 Boss Catches Employee in Idle Animation for Fifth Time This Week Boss Catches Employee in Idle Animation for Fifth Time This Week KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Employees at a local marketing agency have confirmed that IT support technician Sye Monteleone was given his third and final written warning…
January 14, 2020 Exhausted Parents Admit Newborn Didn’t Really Get Good Until Season 4 Exhausted Parents Admit Newborn Didn’t Really Get Good Until Season 4 COLONIAL HEIGHTS, Va. — Parents Pat and Misty Santohir reportedly told friends that, while they did not regret having their daughter Jacyln, they didn’t really…
November 25, 2019 Hundreds Bonded in Power of Friendship Reactor Meltdown Hundreds Bonded in Power of Friendship Reactor Meltdown SACRAMENTO, Calif. — A calibration error led to the devastating meltdown of a local Power of Friendship Reactor this morning that has brought nearby families…
November 6, 2019 Corruption of PS2 Memory Card Not Unlike Burning of the Library of Alexandria Corruption of PS2 Memory Card Not Unlike Burning of the Library of Alexandria AKRON, Ohio — Local gamer Scott Landis’s languish was felt throughout the apartment upon his discovery that his PlayStation 2 memory card from 2003 had…
May 30, 2019 Jackbox Party Pack 6 to Include New Game ‘Just Draw a Penis‘ Jackbox Party Pack 6 to Include New Game ‘Just Draw a Penis‘ CHICAGO — Jackbox Games revealed that “Just Draw a Penis” will be one of five new games that will be part of the upcoming Jackbox…
