November 18, 2019 Woman Performs Sacred Daytime Gaming Ritual Known as the Closing of the Blinds Woman Performs Sacred Daytime Gaming Ritual Known as the Closing of the Blinds LOS ANGELES — Rebecca Davis solemnly performed the ancient daytime gaming ritual known as the Closing of the Blinds, shrouding her room in darkness so…
May 13, 2019 Just Dance Dancer Dances New Just Dance Dance Just Dance Dancer Dances New Just Dance Dance LYON, France — Just Dance series fan, Clara Vance, reportedly danced a new Just Dance dance, according to those familiar with the situation. “I thought…
March 9, 2019 Patch Notes Clearly Contain Cry For Help From Overworked Programmer Patch Notes Clearly Contain Cry For Help From Overworked Programmer TWYCROSS, U.K. — The latest patch notes for Sea of Thieves are available this week, featuring details about weapon rebalancing, stability improvements, and the ongoing…
February 28, 2019 Modern Day Sisyphus Doomed to Grind in Destiny 2 Forever Modern Day Sisyphus Doomed to Grind in Destiny 2 Forever GROTON, Conn. — In a sisyphean twist of fate, local man Nick Andino purchased Destiny 2: Forsaken, and now must grind through its myriad progression…
February 16, 2019 Opinion: Please Kill Me Opinion: Please Kill Me Oh thank Christ, I finally found you. Yes you officer, the one with the shotgun. Sir, I need you to do me a real solid…
January 21, 2019 Report: Rule Going Into Effect From Now On Report: Rule Going Into Effect From Now On ROCHESTER, N.Y. — A local game night was abruptly interrupted by the discovery that the group had been playing the board game Blood Rage without…
January 18, 2019 Where Is Xur This Week? Seriously, We Need to Know Because His Family Is Worried About Him Where Is Xur This Week? Seriously, We Need to Know Because His Family Is Worried About Him There’s a ton of awesome loot in Destiny 2, especially in the latest expansion, Forsaken. But the best weapons can be pretty hard to come…
December 26, 2018 Reggie Fils-Aimé Proudly Announces Birth of Fourth Child, SW-3042-2266-6049 Reggie Fils-Aimé Proudly Announces Birth of Fourth Child, SW-3042-2266-6049 SEATTLE — Reggie Fils-Aimé, President and COO of Nintendo America, welcomed his fourth child into the world over the weekend, a young boy named SW-3042-2266-6049.…
