July 15, 2021 Bootlicking Goody Two Shoes Chooses to Send Data to Microsoft to Make Windows 10 Better Bootlicking Goody Two Shoes Chooses to Send Data to Microsoft to Make Windows 10 Better MILWAUKEE — Local goody two shoes Zakk Haley chose to send a data report to Microsoft after his copy of PowerPoint crashed in the middle…
July 2, 2021 Harvard Law Announces Less Demanding ‘I’m Not a Lawyer, But’ Program Harvard Law Announces Less Demanding ‘I’m Not a Lawyer, But’ Program CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Harvard Law School has announced that they are starting a less prestigious program for students who wish to enter the field of…
June 30, 2021 No Reason for Character to Be Asexual Besides Writer’s Entire Life Experience No Reason for Character to Be Asexual Besides Writer’s Entire Life Experience RENO, Nev. — Hira Fealeaf, the main character of the recently-releasd fantasy novel The Sorcerer of Lumsworth, is asexual, despite having no reason to not…
December 10, 2020 Ad Blocker Makes Game Awards 7 Minutes Long Ad Blocker Makes Game Awards 7 Minutes Long LOS ANGELES— The 2020 Game Awards were reduced to an anemic seven minutes of content after audience members tuned in to the industry award show…
March 10, 2020 Physicists Discover That Universe Began as Arma 3 Mod Physicists Discover That Universe Began as Arma 3 Mod CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Researchers at MIT’s Center for Theoretical Physics were shocked to discover that the universe as we know it began as a mod…
March 9, 2020 Dragon Ball Villain Who Can’t Become Final Form Swears This Doesn’t Normally Happen Dragon Ball Villain Who Can’t Become Final Form Swears This Doesn’t Normally Happen NAMEK — Local psychopath and emperor of Universe 7, Frieza, reportedly failed to turn into his final form at a battle yesterday, despite claiming that…
March 3, 2020 34-Year-Old Little Brother Still Somehow Thinks Unplugged Controller Is Player 2 34-Year-Old Little Brother Still Somehow Thinks Unplugged Controller Is Player 2 ITHACA, N.Y. — 34-year old Don Cotton is still easily tricked into thinking that he is playing a game while holding an unplugged controller, confused…
February 12, 2020 Loser Six Year Old Can’t Even Start Profitable Toy Review Channel Loser Six Year Old Can’t Even Start Profitable Toy Review Channel SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Local six-year-old and utter failure Freddy Johnson has been unable to turn a profit from his toy review YouTube channel for the…
December 11, 2019 Rumor: Nintendo Source Confirms Duke Nukem ‘100% DEFINITELY’ Coming to Smash Bros Ultimate! [UPDATE: This Is Not True] Rumor: Nintendo Source Confirms Duke Nukem ‘100% DEFINITELY’ Coming to Smash Bros Ultimate! [UPDATE: This Is Not True] Hail to the king, baby! Earlier today an industry leak confirmed beyond a doubt that Duke Nukem was joining the fray as the newest fighter…
