Hunter R. Thompson

Hunter R. Thompson

Hitman Guard Not Sure Why Everybody Is Making Annoying Choking Noises on the Comms TodayHitman Guard Not Sure Why Everybody Is Making Annoying Choking Noises on the Comms Today

Hitman Guard Not Sure Why Everybody Is Making Annoying Choking Noises on the Comms Today

PARIS — Sources have confirmed that Jean Moreau, head of the security team working the Sanguine fashion show in Paris,…

4 years ago
Doctor Recklessly Prescribes Large Health Pack to Man With 98 HPDoctor Recklessly Prescribes Large Health Pack to Man With 98 HP

Doctor Recklessly Prescribes Large Health Pack to Man With 98 HP

LEAWOOD, Kan. — An irresponsible doctor reportedly wrote local man Dave LaRoix a prescription for a large health pack, even…

4 years ago
Tom Lets Out Weary Sigh After Walking Into Kitchen and Noticing Cheese Grater Isn’t Part of the Matte PaintingTom Lets Out Weary Sigh After Walking Into Kitchen and Noticing Cheese Grater Isn’t Part of the Matte Painting

Tom Lets Out Weary Sigh After Walking Into Kitchen and Noticing Cheese Grater Isn’t Part of the Matte Painting

THE HOUSE — Walking into the kitchen and realizing that he would soon be in danger, sources have confirmed that…

4 years ago
Roguelike Genre Purist Hopes Someone Will Develop a Roguelike SomedayRoguelike Genre Purist Hopes Someone Will Develop a Roguelike Someday

Roguelike Genre Purist Hopes Someone Will Develop Roguelike Someday

SPOKANE, Wash. — Gamer and self-proclaimed roguelike genre purist Noreen Ramirez, hot off the heels of her tenth no-hit run…

4 years ago
Edgar Allan Poe-Themed Fighting Game Locks Fortunato Behind PaywallEdgar Allan Poe-Themed Fighting Game Locks Fortunato Behind Paywall

Edgar Allan Poe-Themed Fighting Game Locks Fortunato Behind Paywall

BALTIMORE — An upcoming brawler featuring Edgar Allan Poe characters will launch with the iconic “Cask of Amontillado” wine taster…

5 years ago
Six-Hour Operation Finally Separates Headphone Cord From Wheel of Office ChairSix-Hour Operation Finally Separates Headphone Cord From Wheel of Office Chair

Six-Hour Operation Finally Separates Headphone Cord From Wheel of Office Chair

CAYCE, S.C. — After over six hours of tense surgery, an emergency procedure has finally separated local gamer Andrae Webb’s…

5 years ago
Guy Who Peaked During Tutorial Never Moves Out of Pallet TownGuy Who Peaked During Tutorial Never Moves Out of Pallet Town

Guy Who Peaked During Tutorial Never Moves Out of Pallet Town

KANTO — Local would-be Pokémon trainer Bobby, despite completing his initial training, receiving a Pokédex, and being fully prepared to…

5 years ago
How Lewis and Clark Mapped the Louisiana Purchase by Climbing a Real Big TowerHow Lewis and Clark Mapped the Louisiana Purchase by Climbing a Real Big Tower

How Lewis and Clark Mapped the Louisiana Purchase by Climbing Real Big Tower

HELENA, Mont. — A newly discovered journal of their expedition has revealed that famed American explorers Lewis and Clark apparently…

5 years ago
Casual Gamer Can’t Even Beat First Stage of GriefCasual Gamer Can’t Even Beat First Stage of Grief

Casual Gamer Can’t Even Beat First Stage of Grief

CLARKSVILLE, Tenn. — Twenty-eight year old Liam Glasser, secretly loathed by his friends and loved ones for failing to make…

5 years ago