Gabe Porter

Feminist Hero Actually Prefers Velma

BRAINERD, Minn. — Brave local man Joseph Brita has confirmed his preference for Velma over the more conventionally attractive Daphne…

3 years ago

‘Mario Party Superstars’ Adds Lifelike AI That Takes Fucking Forever With Their Turn

KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo confirmed today that Mario Party Superstars will feature computer players with advanced AI that allows them…

3 years ago

Lonely Gamer Sits on Hands So It Feels Like Someone Else Is Playing

FAYETTEVILLE Ark. — Isolated gamer Greg Biscuit has resorted to numbing his hands and then playing video games to alleviate…

3 years ago

Total Bummer: Mysterious VHS Tape Found In Forest Just Porn

RICHMOND, Va. — Local paranormal enthusiast Walker Burroughs’ latest trip through the woods reportedly ended with disappointment after he realized…

3 years ago

Indie Director’s Career Tragically Cut Short by Marvel Ten Year Contract

LOS ANGELES — Sources have sadly confirmed that indie director Yohanna Hultz’s promising career has tragically been cut short as…

3 years ago

Ranking the Final Fantasy Games Just to Piss You Off

Square Enix’s iconic RPG series Final Fantasy has enthralled gamers for over three decades. With such a broad and devoted…

3 years ago

Man’s Friends Realize All His Jokes Just Quotes From ‘The Simpsons’

LOS ANGELES — Local man Herman Gunther reportedly realized that his supposedly funny friend Matt has been stealing all of…

3 years ago

Konami Confirms Next Silent Hill Will Be Exclusive to Your Imagination

TOKYO — Konami has confirmed they are partnering with Bloober Team to create a new installment in the long-dormant Silent…

3 years ago

Gamer Trying to Name Child After Video Game Character Without Spouse Figuring It Out

CINCINNATI, Ohio — Local gamer Alan Roberts has been trying to covertly name his upcoming child after any video game…

3 years ago