Gabe Porter

Gabe Porter

Feminist Hero Actually Prefers VelmaFeminist Hero Actually Prefers Velma

Feminist Hero Actually Prefers Velma

BRAINERD, Minn. — Brave local man Joseph Brita has confirmed his preference for Velma over the more conventionally attractive Daphne…

4 years ago
‘Mario Party Superstars’ Adds Lifelike AI That Takes Fucking Forever With Their Turn‘Mario Party Superstars’ Adds Lifelike AI That Takes Fucking Forever With Their Turn

‘Mario Party Superstars’ Adds Lifelike AI That Takes Fucking Forever With Their Turn

KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo confirmed today that Mario Party Superstars will feature computer players with advanced AI that allows them…

4 years ago
Lonely Gamer Sits on Hands So It Feels Like Someone Else Is PlayingLonely Gamer Sits on Hands So It Feels Like Someone Else Is Playing

Lonely Gamer Sits on Hands So It Feels Like Someone Else Is Playing

FAYETTEVILLE Ark. — Isolated gamer Greg Biscuit has resorted to numbing his hands and then playing video games to alleviate…

4 years ago
Total Bummer: Mysterious VHS Tape Found In Forest Just PornTotal Bummer: Mysterious VHS Tape Found In Forest Just Porn

Total Bummer: Mysterious VHS Tape Found In Forest Just Porn

RICHMOND, Va. — Local paranormal enthusiast Walker Burroughs’ latest trip through the woods reportedly ended with disappointment after he realized…

4 years ago
Indie Director’s Career Tragically Cut Short by Marvel Ten Year ContractIndie Director’s Career Tragically Cut Short by Marvel Ten Year Contract

Indie Director’s Career Tragically Cut Short by Marvel Ten Year Contract

LOS ANGELES — Sources have sadly confirmed that indie director Yohanna Hultz’s promising career has tragically been cut short as…

4 years ago
Ranking the Final Fantasy Games Just to Piss You OffRanking the Final Fantasy Games Just to Piss You Off

Ranking the Final Fantasy Games Just to Piss You Off

Square Enix’s iconic RPG series Final Fantasy has enthralled gamers for over three decades. With such a broad and devoted…

4 years ago
Man’s Friends Realize All His Jokes Just Quotes From ‘The Simpsons’Man’s Friends Realize All His Jokes Just Quotes From ‘The Simpsons’

Man’s Friends Realize All His Jokes Just Quotes From ‘The Simpsons’

LOS ANGELES — Local man Herman Gunther reportedly realized that his supposedly funny friend Matt has been stealing all of…

4 years ago
Konami Confirms Next Silent Hill Will Be Exclusive to Your ImaginationKonami Confirms Next Silent Hill Will Be Exclusive to Your Imagination

Konami Confirms Next Silent Hill Will Be Exclusive to Your Imagination

TOKYO — Konami has confirmed they are partnering with Bloober Team to create a new installment in the long-dormant Silent…

4 years ago
Gamer Trying to Name Child After Video Game Character Without Spouse Figuring It OutGamer Trying to Name Child After Video Game Character Without Spouse Figuring It Out

Gamer Trying to Name Child After Video Game Character Without Spouse Figuring It Out

CINCINNATI, Ohio — Local gamer Alan Roberts has been trying to covertly name his upcoming child after any video game…

4 years ago