April 23, 2021 Magneto’s Credit Cards All Fucked Up Magneto’s Credit Cards All Fucked Up GENOSHA — Brotherhood of Mutants leader Magneto has vowed revenge on humanity for designing credit cards that are destroyed by magnets, making it impossible for…
December 17, 2020 Dad’s Insurance Only Covers Mad Catz Pacemaker Dad’s Insurance Only Covers Mad Catz Pacemaker ARENA, Wis. — Local father Andrew Nikket has become the first ever recipient of a Mad Catz pacemaker this week, the best he could afford…
August 13, 2020 Local Middle Schooler Releases 2020 Dad Tier List Local Middle Schooler Releases 2020 Dad Tier List MAZOMANIE, Wis. — James K. Polk Jr. high school student Nick Epson released his hotly anticipated dad tier list of the year this week, placing…
July 5, 2019 Indie Band Named After NES Game Also Plays Like Shit Indie Band Named After NES Game Also Plays Like Shit BLACK EARTH, Wisc. — Local garage band The Cheetahmen has come under fire due to the fact that, much like their NES game namesake, they…
October 23, 2018 Fighting Game Character With a Fucking Gun Considered Low Tier Fighting Game Character With a Fucking Gun Considered Low Tier AKRON, Ohio — Due to a recent Injustice 2 patch, famed Batman foil the Joker, who’s ranged attack pulls out a fucking 9mm pistol and…
July 8, 2018 Real Life Fortnite: This Guy Built A Shitty House and Died In It Real Life Fortnite: This Guy Built A Shitty House and Died In It Think you’re Fortnite’s biggest fan? Think again. Epic Games superfan Andrew Rausch was so dedicated to the game, that he even built a house in…
March 24, 2018 Blizzard Launches Restaurant With Shitty Servers Blizzard Launches Restaurant With Shitty Servers IRVINE, Calif. — Early reports coming from Blizzard Entertainment’s newest venture, a newly opened downtown cafe, are indicating that the service is consistently incompetent and…
February 20, 2018 J.J. Abrams Caught Sneaking Cloverfield Stickers Onto Black Panther Posters J.J. Abrams Caught Sneaking Cloverfield Stickers Onto Black Panther Posters MADISON, Wisc. — Producer and director J.J. Abrams was arrested this past weekend for vandalizing a local theater’s Black Panther posters with rolls of Cloverfield…
October 14, 2017 DayZ Now Accurate Simulation of World Where 99.9% of Population Has Died Off DayZ Now Accurate Simulation of World Where 99.9% of Population Has Died Off PRAGUE, Czech Republic — DayZ, the post-apocalyptic zombie survival game, has reached new levels of authenticity as of late, with an all-time low number of…
