August 19, 2021 Mattress Store Offers Discount on Your Next Podcast Subscription Mattress Store Offers Discount on Your Next Podcast Subscription TINLEY PARK, Ill. — In an effort to drive more business from consumers who listen to lots of mattress advertisements already, the bedding retail chain…
May 19, 2020 ‘Ship of Theseus’ DLC Changes So Much About Sea of Thieves That It Might Not Even Be the Same Game Anymore ‘Ship of Theseus’ DLC Changes So Much About Sea of Thieves That It Might Not Even Be the Same Game Anymore TWYCROSS, England — Over the last week, Sea of Thieves developer Rare released a new “Ship of Theseus” DLC that has implemented so many incremental…
July 26, 2019 Nintendo Executive Solemnly Reports Last N64 at Shitty McDonald’s Has Finally Stopped Working Nintendo Executive Solemnly Reports Last N64 at Shitty McDonald’s Has Finally Stopped Working KANKAKEE, Ill. — In a mid-afternoon press conference, Nintendo of America President Doug Bowser confirmed that the last Nintendo 64 console installed at a shitty…
May 1, 2019 Gamer Mystified by Tinder’s Lack of Dialogue Options Gamer Mystified by Tinder’s Lack of Dialogue Options SAN PEDRO, Calif. — Complaining that the app advertised an intricate choice-based system promising branching plotlines depending on the player’s decisions, gamer Joshua Fulton is…
April 4, 2019 Tolkien Biopic to Be Split Into, I Dunno, Six Films Tolkien Biopic to Be Split Into, I Dunno, Six Films HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Executives at Fox Searchlight Pictures have revealed that the upcoming biographical film Tolkien, based on the life of fantasy author J.R.R. Tolkien,…
February 12, 2019 Blizzard Gives Employees Box With 8.3% Chance of Containing Pink Slip Blizzard Gives Employees Box With 8.3% Chance of Containing Pink Slip IRVINE, Calif. — After a recent earnings report announced record revenue, Activision-Blizzard initiated layoffs by handing out boxes to its 9,600 employees that had 8.3%…
