March 21, 2020 Real Life Also Harder on Veteran Mode Real Life Also Harder on Veteran Mode DES MOINES, Iowa — After returning from Iraq in January, former Marine and current Elder Scrolls Online enthusiast Zach Meyers has found real life to…
March 19, 2020 Now That All the Middle Schoolers Are Home, My Guild Is Stronger Than Ever Now That All the Middle Schoolers Are Home, My Guild Is Stronger Than Ever Sure, thousands of people have died in the coronavirus pandemic. But you know who else is about to die? A shipload of dungeons bosses now…
January 30, 2020 I Didn’t Spend 50 Years Breastfeeding Baby Yoda for Some Asshole in a Helmet to Get All the Credit I Didn’t Spend 50 Years Breastfeeding Baby Yoda for Some Asshole in a Helmet to Get All the Credit Fifty years is a long time. Almost as long as my nipples after half a century of breastfeeding. Seriously, my poor areolas are as tattered…
October 20, 2019 Horse Probably Fine Horse Probably Fine IMPERIAL CITY, Tamriel — MolagMoProblems, a dark elf who has not seen her beloved piebald destrier Fuckstick since she galloped the horse into a pool…
September 11, 2019 Actress Loses 50 Pounds for Role in Entertainment Industry Actress Loses 50 Pounds for Role in Entertainment Industry LOS ANGELES — Following in the footsteps of Joaquin Phoenix, who lost a grueling 52 pounds to play Joker, LA-based actress Shivani Roche dropped almost…
July 11, 2019 Gamer Excited for Cuphead Property She Can Actually Finish Gamer Excited for Cuphead Property She Can Actually Finish AUSTIN, Texas — Local gamer Kaylie Terline was reportedly thrilled to hear that Netflix is producing an animated Cuphead show she might actually be able…
July 9, 2019 Powerful Necromancer Revives Long-Dead Forum Thread Powerful Necromancer Revives Long-Dead Forum Thread GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Arcane powers of life and death were recently wielded by Amina Mitchell, 35, who used dark magicks to revive a 12-year-old…
June 26, 2019 Shocked Tank Receives 60,000 Gold Bill After Using Out-of-Network Healer Shocked Tank Receives 60,000 Gold Bill After Using Out-of-Network Healer RAWL’KHA, Reaper’s March — After receiving care from a High Elf healer during a veteran run of Moon Hunter Keep, local tank Polishes-Bowls was shocked…
June 9, 2019 Fun Late Night Date Ideas that Just Happen to Coincide With Server Maintenance Fun Late Night Date Ideas that Just Happen to Coincide With Server Maintenance Spring is here, the birds are singing, and the flowers outside that are visible from my battle station while sitting in my Secretlab Omega racing…
