Edgar Towner

Ah, Shit: We Forgot to Review ‘Game of Thrones’

Winter has come, the bells have tolled, and now our watch has ended. Game of Thrones, the fantasy juggernaut that…

5 years ago

Tokyo City Council Cuts High School’s Funding, Citing Failure to Produce Single Demon-Slaying Übermensch

TOKYO — The annual budget of Shippai Preparatory Academy has been reduced due to the school’s failure to adequately prepare…

6 years ago

Report: First Person to Play Death Stranding May Have Already Been Born

STANFORD, Calif. — The first person to play Kojima Productions’ long-awaited game Death Stranding may already be alive, according to…

6 years ago

Representation Win: Netflix Casts Actual Emotionless Mutant as Geralt of Rivia

LOS ANGELES — Advocates for representation in media rejoiced today after Netflix announced that Geralt of Rivia, the famously stoic…

6 years ago

Man in Line for Blade Runner 2049 Already Prefers Director’s Cut

DENVER — Self-proclaimed film buff Logan Dwyer announced that the theatrical release of Blade Runner 2049 is inferior to the…

7 years ago

New America’s Army Drone Warfare Expansion Features Suspiciously Lifelike Graphics

SAN DIEGO, Cali. — Aerial Domination, the new drone-themed expansion pack for the Army-sponsored military shooter America’s Army, has earned…

7 years ago