Dan Tomascik

Friend Back From European Trip Won’t Stop Saying “Cross Button” Instead of “X Button”

BALTIMORE — Fresh off a recent trip from Europe, local gamer Morgan Jones dropped in on a Discord voice chat…

3 years ago

Confirmed: The Spice in “Dune” Is Pumpkin

ARRAKEEN — The planet Dune’s melange spice supply, an inherent component to the operation of interstellar travel, prescient vision, and…

3 years ago

Vampire Requests Invite to Open Xbox Live Party

FORKS, Wash. — Local vampiric gamer FaNg DaNKula was seen requesting an invite to an open Xbox Live Party in…

3 years ago

Twitch Bans Controversial Bathtub Streamer

NEW YORK —  In an apparent effort to re-categorize and regulate streaming content, Twitch has suspended the account of one…

3 years ago

Tesla Releases Cheaper Model With 5 Second Advertisements Before Letting You Brake

LOS ANGELES — At an unveiling at the Tesla Design Studio, CEO Elon Musk presented a new, cheaper base model…

4 years ago

Coronavirus Experiences Double-XP Weekend in Re-Opened States

ATLANTA — Scientists at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention are confirming that, following several states’ pushes to reopen,…

5 years ago

YouTuber Has Almost Enough Subscribers to Quit Day Job

LOS ANGELES — Up-and-coming online celebrity James Corden announced to his YouTube subscribers last night in an update video that…

5 years ago

‘Nah Nah Nah Boo Boo I’m Invincible’ Claims Child on Playground After Abusing I-Frames From Dodge Rolling to Cut Line at Recess

LEVITTOWN, Pa. — Local nine-year-old Eddie Honda allegedly jumped from second-to-last to the very front of the recess line yesterday…

6 years ago

21 Savage Now PEGI 18 Savage

ATLANTA — Rapper She’yaa Bin Abraham-Joseph, previously known as 21 Savage, officially changed his moniker to “PEGI 18 Savage” in…

6 years ago