CJ Hernandez

Starfleet Scanner Detects High Concentration of Plot Hooks on Nearby Planet

THE FINAL FRONTIER — A recent scan on an undiscovered planet revealed copious amounts of potential plot points and advancement…

3 years ago

New Geneva Convention Adds “Killing AFK Soldiers” as War Crime

GENEVA — A new protocol added to the Geneva Conventions, the international standards for ethical treatment during wartime, will now…

3 years ago

Decrepit Old Man Tells Kids About How the Smiley Face Used to Be Parenthesis

TAMPA, Fla. — Decrepit old man John Cruller, 34, has reportedly been posting on an ancient social media website known…

3 years ago

Complete Stranger Wins Big Competition Everyone in Town Cares About

WAYFIELD FALLS — A total stranger who just got into town has won the Dusky Days Cup, the annual festival…

3 years ago

Guy Who Just Bought $250 Arcade Stick Losing Even Harder Now

TAMPA, Fla. — Local fighting game player Jake “BanditBoy” Steeler has reportedly lost every single match of Guilty Gear: Strive…

3 years ago

Kidz Bop to Enter Film Industry With Kid-Safe Remake of ‘Requiem for Dream’

NEW YORK — Branching out from the increasingly less profitable physical music industry, the Kidz Bop company has announced its…

3 years ago

Overpowered Child Destroys Balance of Tag

GREENVILLE, S.C. — A new addition to the student roster at Franklin Elementary School has completely destroyed the competitive meta…

3 years ago

Smartphone Neck Cancels Out Years of Wal-Mart GameCube Demo Kiosk Neck

TAMPA, Fla. — A new study by a team at the University of South Florida has shown that years of…

3 years ago

RUMOR: Applebee’s Set to Unveil New Presto Pro Tableside Tablet With Nvidia DLSS and Raytracing

GLENDALE Calif. — According to a massive leak from within Applebee’s, the company is preparing to roll out a new…

4 years ago