Chuck Kowalski

Axel Not Sure Why He Keeps Getting 1-Star Ratings From Lyft Riders

LOS ANGELES — Twisted Metal veteran and part-time Lyft driver Axel doesn’t understand why riders continue to give him one-star…

5 years ago

Proud Son Hangs Dad’s Meme on Fridge

ALTOONA, Penn. — Jake Fitzgerald Jr. reportedly hung a printout of his father’s latest meme on the fridge this afternoon…

5 years ago

Scrapped Endgame Post-Credits Scene Reveals Capcom Beat the Shit Out of Exhausted Avengers

BURBANK, Calif. — A recent leak of production assets from Avengers: Endgame revealed an unused post-credits scene in which Capcom…

5 years ago

Freddy Krueger Still Waiting for Teenager Playing Fortnite to Go to Fucking Sleep

ELM STREET — Serial killer Freddy Krueger has waited thirty hours for local teenager Michael Thompson to end his Fortnite…

6 years ago

New ‘RPG Maker’ Update Quietly Deletes Program One Week After Install

SANTA ANA, Calif. — The latest update to RPG Maker MV will improve the title by quietly deleting it for…

6 years ago

Noam Chomsky’s Commentary Going Over About Just as Well in Phantasy Star IV as in Real Life

MOTAVIA — Renowned linguist and political activist Noam Chomsky has discovered that the people of “Phantasy Star IV” have demonstrated…

7 years ago

NetherRealm Studios Apologizes for Poorly Timed “Sub-Zero Fatality” Tweet

CHICAGO — Mortal Kombat developer NetherRealm Studios issued an apology this morning for a tweet on the company’s official feed…

7 years ago

Dad Says Gateway Computer Is Yours If You Ever Need It

VALLEY STREAM, N.Y. — Suggesting you “could definitely put it to good use,” your dad reminded you this morning that…

7 years ago

Man’s Gamertag Says Pretty Much All You Need to Know About Him

PITTSBURGH — Sources close to local gamer Bob Polin confirmed today that the 31-year-old lacks any defining traits or pursuits…

7 years ago