Chuck Kowalski

Chuck Kowalski

Axel Not Sure Why He Keeps Getting 1-Star Ratings From Lyft RidersAxel Not Sure Why He Keeps Getting 1-Star Ratings From Lyft Riders

Axel Not Sure Why He Keeps Getting 1-Star Ratings From Lyft Riders

LOS ANGELES — Twisted Metal veteran and part-time Lyft driver Axel doesn’t understand why riders continue to give him one-star…

6 years ago
Proud Son Hangs Dad’s Meme on FridgeProud Son Hangs Dad’s Meme on Fridge

Proud Son Hangs Dad’s Meme on Fridge

ALTOONA, Penn. — Jake Fitzgerald Jr. reportedly hung a printout of his father’s latest meme on the fridge this afternoon…

6 years ago
Scrapped Endgame Post-Credits Scene Reveals Capcom Beat the Shit Out of Exhausted AvengersScrapped Endgame Post-Credits Scene Reveals Capcom Beat the Shit Out of Exhausted Avengers

Scrapped Endgame Post-Credits Scene Reveals Capcom Beat the Shit Out of Exhausted Avengers

BURBANK, Calif. — A recent leak of production assets from Avengers: Endgame revealed an unused post-credits scene in which Capcom…

6 years ago
Freddy Krueger Still Waiting for Teenager Playing Fortnite to Go to Fucking SleepFreddy Krueger Still Waiting for Teenager Playing Fortnite to Go to Fucking Sleep

Freddy Krueger Still Waiting for Teenager Playing Fortnite to Go to Fucking Sleep

ELM STREET — Serial killer Freddy Krueger has waited thirty hours for local teenager Michael Thompson to end his Fortnite…

7 years ago
New ‘RPG Maker’ Update Quietly Deletes Program One Week After InstallNew ‘RPG Maker’ Update Quietly Deletes Program One Week After Install

New ‘RPG Maker’ Update Quietly Deletes Program One Week After Install

SANTA ANA, Calif. — The latest update to RPG Maker MV will improve the title by quietly deleting it for…

7 years ago
Noam Chomsky’s Commentary Going Over About Just as Well in Phantasy Star IV as in Real LifeNoam Chomsky’s Commentary Going Over About Just as Well in Phantasy Star IV as in Real Life

Noam Chomsky’s Commentary Going Over About Just as Well in Phantasy Star IV as in Real Life

MOTAVIA — Renowned linguist and political activist Noam Chomsky has discovered that the people of “Phantasy Star IV” have demonstrated…

7 years ago
NetherRealm Studios Apologizes for Poorly Timed “Sub-Zero Fatality” TweetNetherRealm Studios Apologizes for Poorly Timed “Sub-Zero Fatality” Tweet

NetherRealm Studios Apologizes for Poorly Timed “Sub-Zero Fatality” Tweet

CHICAGO — Mortal Kombat developer NetherRealm Studios issued an apology this morning for a tweet on the company’s official feed…

8 years ago
Dad Says Gateway Computer Is Yours If You Ever Need ItDad Says Gateway Computer Is Yours If You Ever Need It

Dad Says Gateway Computer Is Yours If You Ever Need It

VALLEY STREAM, N.Y. — Suggesting you “could definitely put it to good use,” your dad reminded you this morning that…

8 years ago
Man’s Gamertag Says Pretty Much All You Need to Know About HimMan’s Gamertag Says Pretty Much All You Need to Know About Him

Man’s Gamertag Says Pretty Much All You Need to Know About Him

PITTSBURGH — Sources close to local gamer Bob Polin confirmed today that the 31-year-old lacks any defining traits or pursuits…

8 years ago