Christoph von Munchow

Gentlemanly Speedrunner Slows Down ‘Super Metroid’ Run So Samus Doesn’t Have to Take Off Her Suit If She Doesn’t Want To

TEMPE, Ariz. — Local speedrunner and distinguished gentleman Jonathan Rudgers has sparked controversy for deliberately slowing down a WR-pace Super…

3 years ago

6 Fictional Weapons that Suck Ass Compared to the Remote from ‘Click’

Ever since Mary Shelley published Frankenstein in 1818, science fiction has pushed human imagination to its limit, helping us understand…

3 years ago

Gamer Successfully Loots 7-Eleven After Placing Bucket on Cashier’s Head

BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — Local gamer Shayna Wallis reportedly looted a 7-Eleven after placing a large bucket on the cashier’s head…

3 years ago

Uninsured Neo Can’t Afford Red or Blue Pill

CHICAGO — Uninsured computer programmer Thomas A. Anderson, known eponymously as Neo, has been prohibited from making a decision between…

3 years ago

Riverwood Trader Announces Double Reward Points When You Pre-Order 10 or More Cheese Wheels and Enter Code ‘FUSRO’ at Checkout

RIVERWOOD, W.H. — Local general goods store Riverwood Trader has announced that all customers will earn double reward points by…

3 years ago

Brave: This 25-Year Old Man Is Not Afraid to Admit That Minecraft Is Little Scary Sometimes

NESQUEHONING, Pa. — Local man Gavin Trujillo has inspired friends and family after publicly admitting that Minecraft can be “a…

3 years ago

Disciple Feels Like Jesus Could Have at Least Sealed Away His Power in Some Kind of Sword or Something

JERUSALEM — Local unemployed man and follower of Jesus of Nazareth, Thomas the Apostle, revealed his disappointment following the crucifixion…

3 years ago

CEO Reminds Shareholders Pride Month Extremely Valuable for LGTV Community

ENGLEWOOD CLIFFS, N.J. — Thomas Yoon, President and CEO of LG Electronics North America, revealed in a Q2 shareholder briefing…

3 years ago

Local Basketball Coach Arrested After Feeding Opposing Star Player Chocolate

FERNFIELD, Wash. — Stephen Cobbs, coach of the Spokane Warriors junior high basketball team, has been arrested after killing Fernfield…

4 years ago