March 8, 2020 Gamer Who Used Wiki For Every Quest Praises RPG’s Spirit of Exploration Gamer Who Used Wiki For Every Quest Praises RPG’s Spirit of Exploration FRANKLIN, Texas — After consulting a wiki for every single quest from start to finish, local gamer Francesca Bufalini declared Red Dead Redemption 2 the pinnacle…
March 4, 2020 Autosave Doesn’t Feel as Good as the Real Thing Autosave Doesn’t Feel as Good as the Real Thing CHRISTCHURCH, New Zealand — Although experts are split on precisely why, a study of gamers worldwide has determined that the autosave function just doesn’t feel…
February 21, 2020 Woman Not Excited to Discover Boyfriend Backwards-Compatible With His Exes Woman Not Excited to Discover Boyfriend Backwards-Compatible With His Exes AUSTIN, Texas — Local woman Misty Barnhart was reportedly displeased when she realized that her boyfriend Luis Pratt is backward-compatible with his exes, claiming that…
January 31, 2020 Local Dullard Chooses Mario in Mario Kart Local Dullard Chooses Mario in Mario Kart DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. — In a choice that demonstrated an astounding dearth of imagination, town simpleton Adam Tucker decided to play as Mario in Mario…
January 25, 2020 Shitty Ass Video Doesn’t Have Goddamn Captions Shitty Ass Video Doesn’t Have Goddamn Captions GREENVILLE, S.C. — Social media user Katie Orkin was seen mumbling curse words under her breath and clenching her fist in frustration earlier this week…
January 17, 2020 Wii U Keeps Insisting Nintendo Consoles Have Big Reunion Wii U Keeps Insisting Nintendo Consoles Have Big Reunion KYOTO, Japan — According to complaints from several anonymous home consoles, the Wii U has been repeatedly insisting that all the Nintendo systems get back…
December 27, 2019 Xbox Player Making Whole Performance Out of Adjusting to PS4 Controller Xbox Player Making Whole Performance Out of Adjusting to PS4 Controller ASTORIA, N.Y. — Despite a litany of other explanations for his subpar performance across several local multiplayer games, local Xbox player Jonathan Haff has been…
November 21, 2019 5th Friend Who ‘Doesn’t Mind Watching Everyone Else Play’ Awarded Nobel Peace Prize 5th Friend Who ‘Doesn’t Mind Watching Everyone Else Play’ Awarded Nobel Peace Prize OSLO, Norway — In a development widely recognized by everyone in the group chat as “long overdue,” local buddy Dominic Perkyns received the Nobel Peace…
September 5, 2019 So-Called Atheist Still Holds Down B While Catching Pokémon So-Called Atheist Still Holds Down B While Catching Pokémon MOLINE, Ill. — Sources close to alleged atheist Bryce Rocha have confirmed that despite his insistence that believing in God is a childish fantasy, he…
