July 8, 2020 Police Department Assigns Peaceful Protestors Automatic Five-Star Wanted Level Police Department Assigns Peaceful Protestors Automatic Five-Star Wanted Level LOS SANTOS, Calif. — In a move that local activists decried as the latest example of carceral state overreach, the Los Santos Police Department has…
May 12, 2020 Animal Crossing Themed Switch Controller Disappears in Puff of Smoke After 10 Uses Animal Crossing Themed Switch Controller Disappears in Puff of Smoke After 10 Uses SAN ANTONIO, Texas — After using his Animal Crossing themed Switch controller exactly 10 times, local gamer Jonathan Maislin was disappointed to watch it disappear…
April 26, 2020 ‘Cooking Papa’ Doesn’t Tell You Good Job After Completing Level ‘Cooking Papa’ Doesn’t Tell You Good Job After Completing Level DURANGO, Colo. — After sinking a few hours into the latest controversial game in the Cooking Mama franchise, local gamer April Ross discovered that among…
March 31, 2020 Useless NPC Shares Boring Personal Story That’s Not Even a Clue or Anything Useless NPC Shares Boring Personal Story That’s Not Even a Clue or Anything EDMOND, Okla. — Upon directing his hero to talk to a kindly NPC, local gamer Rory Leech was devastated to discover that the elderly character…
March 26, 2020 Nearly Unusable Controller Still in Rotation Because It Looks Cool Nearly Unusable Controller Still in Rotation Because It Looks Cool HUNTSVILLE, Texas — Roommates Audley Stoddard, Jay Heath, and Corwin Reed have announced their intention to continue regularly using a virtually broken controller because it…
March 25, 2020 3DS Charger Really Making Drawer a Nightmare to Navigate 3DS Charger Really Making Drawer a Nightmare to Navigate DIMEBOX, Texas — As she attempted to locate another power supply that’s actually still in regular rotation, local gamer Willoughby Turner quickly realized that her…
March 24, 2020 Unintuitive Controls Convenient Excuse for Sucking Real Bad at Game Unintuitive Controls Convenient Excuse for Sucking Real Bad at Game LODI, N.J. — After consistently failing the same mission over and over, local gamer Josh Chung declared that unintuitive controls were to blame for his…
March 23, 2020 Game Rewards Gamer for Finishing Game With More Game Game Rewards Gamer for Finishing Game With More Game MILWAUKEE, Wis. — Upon completing what appeared to be the final quest of an RPG, local gamer Kendall Bennett was reportedly delighted to discover that…
March 22, 2020 HDMI Cord Seemingly Connected to the Abyss HDMI Cord Seemingly Connected to the Abyss SHAMONG, N.J. — After attempting to disconnect her Xbox One, local gamer Kim Mahoney discovered that her HDMI cord was apparently connected to a bottomless…
