Ben Doyle

Woman Alone in Own House Escapes to Fantasy of Being Alone in Own House

EAST BRUNSWICK, N.J. — After eating a quiet, solitary meal of Trader Joe’s frozen artichoke dip earlier this evening, 23-year-old…

5 years ago

REPORT: Self-Driving Cars 95% Less Likely to Pull Off Sick Donuts in 7/11 Parking Lot

PALO ALTO, Calif. — A disheartening new report from Tesla concluded earlier this week that self-driving cars are still years…

5 years ago

Friends Accidentally Touching Fingers While Passing Controller Forced to Imagine Life Together

BARNEGAT LIGHT, N.J. —  Self-described platonic friends Nathaniel Hester and Dorian McIntosh were forced to imagine a saucy domestic fantasy…

5 years ago

Man Wins Yet Another Round of Laser Tag Using Only Melee Attacks

NAPERVILLE, Ill. — Undefeated laser tag champion Patrick Manzke won his fifty-second consecutive melee-only game this morning, leaving some opponents…

5 years ago

Adult Man Walks Past LEGO Aisle Little Bit Slower

MANAHAWKIN, N.J. — Local adult Sam McGrath spent two seconds shooting a brief, wistful glance down the LEGO aisle of…

5 years ago

Fortnite World Cup Winner Bugha Offered $3 Million Prize in Lump Sum, Annuity, or V-Bucks

NEW YORK — Following a momentous victory at the Fortnite World Cup finals, 16-year-old eSports prodigy Kyle ‘Bugha’ Giersdorf now…

5 years ago

Useless Toddler Misses ‘Putt-Putt Saves the Zoo’ Speedrun Record by 7 Months, 23 Days

PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Disgraced gamer Jake Marglous, 2, wrapped up his latest non-TAS speedrun of Putt-Putt Saves the Zoo earlier…

5 years ago

Frugal Gamer Empties Mechanical Keyboard Over Dinner Plate

HACKENSACK, N.J. — Budget-conscious gamer Max Turner began shaking his Corsair K95 mechanical keyboard over a ceramic dinner plate after…

6 years ago