October 18, 2020 Miniboss Laying It on a Little Thick With Pre-Battle Speech Miniboss Laying It on a Little Thick With Pre-Battle Speech REALM OF DISDAIN — Shortly before losing a recent battle with an adventurer, local mid-level demon Ulgruuf the Unyielding reportedly got a bit carried away…
October 15, 2020 Cisco Delays Next-Gen Office Phone for 20th Consecutive Year Cisco Delays Next-Gen Office Phone for 20th Consecutive Year SAN JOSE, Calif. — Citing production issues due to the coronavirus pandemic, Cisco Systems has delayed the long-awaited sequel to their popular Charcoal Gray Unified…
October 6, 2020 REPORT: Nobody in Group Chat Touching That One REPORT: Nobody in Group Chat Touching That One NEW YORK — Members of a local group chat insisted that they wouldn’t be going anywhere near that comment, preferring to let things die down…
October 5, 2020 Scientists Invent Unit of Time Small Enough to Measure Console Preorder Window Scientists Invent Unit of Time Small Enough to Measure Console Preorder Window BOSTON — Researchers have made an astonishing breakthrough in the study of time and space, discovering a measurement small enough to determine the exact amount…
September 28, 2020 Betsy DeVos Calls for Public Schools to Be Defunded After Witnessing Rodney Mullen Do a 360 Kickflip Through Gymnasium Roof Betsy DeVos Calls for Public Schools to Be Defunded After Witnessing Rodney Mullen Do a 360 Kickflip Through Gymnasium Roof SCHOOL II — U.S. Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos demanded funding cuts after witnessing a professional skateboarder do a 360 kickflip into a high school…
September 24, 2020 DVD Sales of ‘American History X’ Increase 750% Amid Xbox Series X Preorders DVD Sales of ‘American History X’ Increase 750% Amid Xbox Series X Preorders SEATTLE — The controversial 1998 crime film American History X experienced a 750% increase in DVD sales this week, as thousands of customers mistook it…
September 15, 2020 Vengeful God Moves On to Next Thing Tumblr Holds Dear Vengeful God Moves On to Next Thing Tumblr Holds Dear HIGHER REALM — Overcome with wrath and scorn, the ruler of the universe has reportedly taken the next step toward utterly destroying everything Tumblr loves.…
September 10, 2020 Microsoft Announces Xbox All Access Will Now Include a PS5 Microsoft Announces Xbox All Access Will Now Include a PS5 REDMOND, Wash. — Microsoft announced that the new Xbox All Access monthly subscription would include an Xbox Series X console, EA Play, Game Pass, Xbox…
September 4, 2020 Sony Acquires Exclusive Rights to All Spiders and Men, Just to Be Safe Sony Acquires Exclusive Rights to All Spiders and Men, Just to Be Safe NEW YORK — Sony Entertainment has acquired exclusive rights to all depictions of arachnids and men in film, television, and video games, just in case…
