July 6, 2021 Purist Gamer Enjoys Peace of Mind That Comes With Owning Real, Physical Copy of ‘Assassin’s Creed III’ Purist Gamer Enjoys Peace of Mind That Comes With Owning Real, Physical Copy of ‘Assassin’s Creed III’ SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local gamer Patrice Whitman prefers the sense of security he gets from having a tangible, non-digital version of the 2012 video game…
June 30, 2021 ‘Call of Duty’ Announces Double Loot Weekend in Honor of Donald Rumsfeld ‘Call of Duty’ Announces Double Loot Weekend in Honor of Donald Rumsfeld SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Activision has announced Call of Duty will let players loot twice as much this coming weekend, to honor the passing of…
June 28, 2021 Guy You Just Met Thinks You Would Really Love Only Game He Played This Year Guy You Just Met Thinks You Would Really Love Only Game He Played This Year GREENSBORO, N.C. — The guy talking to you at this house party thinks you’re the kind of person who would enjoy Disco Elysium, the only…
June 23, 2021 Streamer Buys $1,000 in Audio Equipment so He Can Speak More Clearly Into Yawning Void of Nobody Streamer Buys $1,000 in Audio Equipment so He Can Speak More Clearly Into Yawning Void of Nobody TOLEDO, Ohio — Twitch streamer Sam Dolan has reportedly acquired over $1,000 in professional audiovisual gear, ensuring a clear connection with the gaping vacuum of…
June 23, 2021 Broken PC Transforms Hardcore Gamer Into Just a Normal Run-of-the-Mill Bigot Broken PC Transforms Hardcore Gamer Into Just a Normal Run-of-the-Mill Bigot ANN ARBOR, Mich. — While saving up to repair his broken gaming PC, local man Josh Quell underwent a transformation from an elite gamer into…
June 18, 2021 Sony Calls Emergency Meeting With Redditor u/LastofUs1296 After Callout Post Sony Calls Emergency Meeting With Redditor u/LastofUs1296 After Callout Post SAN MATEO, Calif. — Sony Interactive Entertainment scheduled an emergency meeting between their board of directors and u/LastofUs1296, an industry analyst who called out the…
June 15, 2021 Todd Howard Wishes Bethesda Showcase Were Long Enough to Tell Every Single Playstation Owner to Fuck Themselves Individually Todd Howard Wishes Bethesda Showcase Were Long Enough to Tell Every Single Playstation Owner to Fuck Themselves Individually LOS ANGELES — Todd Howard expressed regret that Bethesda’s E3 showcase was only about an hour long, because he would have loved the chance to…
June 13, 2021 E3 Journalist Misses Visceral Thrill of Copying Press Releases in Person E3 Journalist Misses Visceral Thrill of Copying Press Releases in Person SAN FRANCISCO — While covering the online-only E3 2021, video game journalist Shaun Carlson has reportedly missed the excitement of copying press releases on location.…
May 12, 2021 New GTA “Israel Mode” Gives Civilians a Little Pocket Knife so You Feel Better About Going on Murderous Rampage New GTA “Israel Mode” Gives Civilians a Little Pocket Knife so You Feel Better About Going on Murderous Rampage NEW YORK — Grand Theft Auto 5 is getting a new Israel-themed game mode that gives tiny pocket knives to pedestrians, meaning you can murder…
