June 14, 2019 Three Days in Hell: The E3 Diaries, Part Three Three Days in Hell: The E3 Diaries, Part Three Tropical Waluigi said he would meet me in the hotel lobby. He did not, however, specify a time. So I decided he would understand if…
June 13, 2019 Three Days in Hell: The E3 Diaries, Part Two Three Days in Hell: The E3 Diaries, Part Two I have met exactly one person at E3 that I like. Standing at the door to the newsroom there is an old man wearing a…
June 12, 2019 Three Days in Hell: The E3 Diaries, Part One Three Days in Hell: The E3 Diaries, Part One I checked into the hotel next to the Los Angeles Convention Center last night around ten. The next morning was the start of E3, my…
June 3, 2019 New Apple iLadder Lets You Look Down on Your Poor Friends New Apple iLadder Lets You Look Down on Your Poor Friends CUPERTINO, Calif. — During his WWDC keynote speech this morning, Apple CEO Tim Cook announced the iLadder, a new product designed to allow customers of…
May 23, 2019 Tfue Posts YouTube Rant on How Cesar Chavez Was Low Key on Some Real Labor Rights Clout Shit Tfue Posts YouTube Rant on How Cesar Chavez Was Low Key on Some Real Labor Rights Clout Shit LOS ANGELES — Professional gamer and Fortnite streamer Turner “Tfue” Tenney has escalated his lawsuit against professional esports organization FaZe Clan, posting a YouTube video…
May 4, 2019 Furry Entrant in Kentucky Derby Going Off at 1,786,326-1 Odds Furry Entrant in Kentucky Derby Going Off at 1,786,326-1 Odds LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Captain PixieHoof, set to become the first member of the furry subculture to ever compete in the Kentucky Derby, was placed at…
May 2, 2019 Woman Starting to Warm Up to Man Who Brings Her Two Bars of Solid Gold Every Week Woman Starting to Warm Up to Man Who Brings Her Two Bars of Solid Gold Every Week STARDEW VALLEY — Local resident and gadget builder Maru has reportedly begun to feel a new sense of intimacy toward the young man who has…
March 21, 2019 Stoner Can Quit Smoking Weed Anytime Joe Rogan Wants Stoner Can Quit Smoking Weed Anytime Joe Rogan Wants MILWAUKEE — Local podcast fan and habitual cannabis user Harry Blinker announced this morning that he does not smoke too much marijuana, insisting that he…
December 20, 2018 Android User Added to Group Chat Better Be One Funny Motherfucker Android User Added to Group Chat Better Be One Funny Motherfucker REDMOND, Wash. — Samsung Galaxy S9 owner Keith Anderson was added to what was previously an iMessage group chat last night. According to close sources,…
