Andy Holt

COVID Surge Pushes Local Medical Center Over Maximum Capacity of Six

KANTO — Recent surges of coronavirus have taxed local medical centers, pushing one facility to the edge of overflow by…

4 years ago

If You Think All TV Remotes Should Be Controllers, You’re Fucking Idiot

There’s an article going around today, making the ridiculous argument that all TV remotes should actually be gaming controllers. I…

4 years ago

Cyberpunk 2077 Criticized for Unskippable Cutscene Where You Have to Eat Peanuts Even If You’re Allergic

WARSAW — Polish video game developer CD Projekt RED faced criticism for a cutscene in their new game Cyberpunk 2077,…

4 years ago

We Ranked the Top 5 Weed Strains for Playing One Match of Rocket League and Going to Bed

Getting high and playing video games can be a lot of fun, but you want to make sure you combine…

4 years ago

Aspiring Video Game Writer Didn’t Expect Job Application to Involve So Much Writing

LAKE FOREST, Ill. — Prospective game writer Evan Richards quit halfway through a job application to an independent game studio…

4 years ago

Gamer Who “Plays Better While High” Has No Basis for Comparison

LOS ANGELES — Local gamer Aaron Hopper insisted that he “plays way better when he’s stoned” despite a complete lack…

4 years ago

FedEx Driver Takes Xbox Series X on One Last Tour of City Before It Gets Locked Up in Your House Forever

LOS ANGELES — Your scheduled delivery time was delayed this afternoon when FedEx driver Shannon Hunter took your Xbox Series…

4 years ago

Gamer Tip: Your Vote Is Wasted If It’s Not Concentrated on Blinking Weak Spot

PENNSYLVANIA — Gamer consultants have advised the Trump and Biden campaigns that it’s pointless to spam votes in low-effect areas…

4 years ago

Nestlé Files Lawsuit Claiming Moon Has No Legal Right to Water

ARLINGTON, Va. — Nestlé USA announced a lawsuit against the round astronomical body orbiting Earth, claiming the mass has no…

4 years ago