Andy Holt

Purist Gamer Enjoys Peace of Mind That Comes With Owning Real, Physical Copy of ‘Assassin’s Creed III’

SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local gamer Patrice Whitman prefers the sense of security he gets from having a tangible, non-digital version…

3 years ago

‘Call of Duty’ Announces Double Loot Weekend in Honor of Donald Rumsfeld

SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Activision has announced Call of Duty will let players loot twice as much this coming weekend,…

3 years ago

Guy You Just Met Thinks You Would Really Love Only Game He Played This Year

GREENSBORO, N.C. —  The guy talking to you at this house party thinks you’re the kind of person who would…

3 years ago

Streamer Buys $1,000 in Audio Equipment so He Can Speak More Clearly Into Yawning Void of Nobody

TOLEDO, Ohio — Twitch streamer Sam Dolan has reportedly acquired over $1,000 in professional audiovisual gear, ensuring a clear connection…

3 years ago

Broken PC Transforms Hardcore Gamer Into Just Normal Run-of-the-Mill Bigot

ANN ARBOR, Mich. — While saving up to repair his broken gaming PC, local man Josh Quell underwent a transformation…

3 years ago

Sony Calls Emergency Meeting With Redditor u/LastofUs1296 After Callout Post

SAN MATEO, Calif. — Sony Interactive Entertainment scheduled an emergency meeting between their board of directors and u/LastofUs1296, an industry…

3 years ago

Todd Howard Wishes Bethesda Showcase Were Long Enough to Tell Every Single Playstation Owner to Fuck Themselves Individually

LOS ANGELES — Todd Howard expressed regret that Bethesda’s E3 showcase was only about an hour long, because he would…

3 years ago

E3 Journalist Misses Visceral Thrill of Copying Press Releases in Person

SAN FRANCISCO — While covering the online-only E3 2021, video game journalist Shaun Carlson has reportedly missed the excitement of…

3 years ago

New GTA “Israel Mode” Gives Civilians Little Pocket Knife so You Feel Better About Going on Murderous Rampage

NEW YORK — Grand Theft Auto 5 is getting a new Israel-themed game mode that gives tiny pocket knives to…

4 years ago