Andy Holt

Three Days in Hell: The E3 Diaries, Part Three

Tropical Waluigi said he would meet me in the hotel lobby. He did not, however, specify a time. So I…

5 years ago

Three Days in Hell: The E3 Diaries, Part Two

I have met exactly one person at E3 that I like. Standing at the door to the newsroom there is…

5 years ago

Three Days in Hell: The E3 Diaries, Part One

I checked into the hotel next to the Los Angeles Convention Center last night around ten. The next morning was…

5 years ago

New Apple iLadder Lets You Look Down on Your Poor Friends

CUPERTINO, Calif. — During his WWDC keynote speech this morning, Apple CEO Tim Cook announced the iLadder, a new product…

5 years ago

Tfue Posts YouTube Rant on How Cesar Chavez Was Low Key on Some Real Labor Rights Clout Shit

LOS ANGELES — Professional gamer and Fortnite streamer Turner “Tfue” Tenney has escalated his lawsuit against professional esports organization FaZe…

5 years ago

Furry Entrant in Kentucky Derby Going Off at 1,786,326-1 Odds

LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Captain PixieHoof, set to become the first member of the furry subculture to ever compete in the…

6 years ago

Woman Starting to Warm Up to Man Who Brings Her Two Bars of Solid Gold Every Week

STARDEW VALLEY  — Local resident and gadget builder Maru has reportedly begun to feel a new sense of intimacy toward…

6 years ago

Stoner Can Quit Smoking Weed Anytime Joe Rogan Wants

MILWAUKEE — Local podcast fan and habitual cannabis user Harry Blinker announced this morning that he does not smoke too…

6 years ago

Android User Added to Group Chat Better Be One Funny Motherfucker

REDMOND, Wash. — Samsung Galaxy S9 owner Keith Anderson was added to what was previously an iMessage group chat last…

6 years ago